Hello, OK, abbreviated version of story. I have been married for 9 years. My wife had an extra-marital affair and we have been working on trying to stay together, (or at least I haven't left.) Months before this, she wanted to get an augmentation to her chest due to nursing and pregnancy. I was o.k. with it before, only to make her happy. She asked me about it again this morning. I finally said no, I wasn't cool with it. She asked why. I said, well, if only to make yourself look better in tank tops, that isn't a reason. No one cares what your chest looks like but you. Then, I said that I wasn't comfortable paying for them as we are in limbo on our future together now. If we work things out, and she still feels adamant, I may be open to talking more. Then I said I was concerned for her health, and also, wanted her to fix her inside before the outside. My wife is extremely attractive and I feel an augmentation would only attract more people to take her mind off repairing her marriage with me. She completely was hostile and confrontational. I told her that we needed to talk more about it, and she said, just forget it! I can get it done with my own money. I said, well, your money, like my money is our money. Once we climb out of the debt we are in, then it will be easier to talk about doing life/body altering things if that is what you need to do. She was completely irrational and said, you wanted me to get them done before now why the change? I said, I didn't want to get them done, just that I wanted you to be happy so I agreed. Now, I still want you to be happy, just not at the expense of my unhappiness. BTW, I have been the one who keeps trying to figure out how to make things work. I am slowly getting the picture she doesn't want to work it out, and only wants me around to sign the checks so to speak. Please help.

I can't answer all your questions. But I can tell you this. The style of communication is not conducive to a healthy relationship, if what you described is how things really went.

You need to review the Concepts section at the top, (and if your wife will reivew them as well), then read all the stuff in the Q&A section, which introduces you to many more fine examples of the MB way of thinking.

What you're going to be looking for is how you and your wife can apply principles such as POJA to your wants and desires (Don't know what POJA is? It's discussed in detail in Concepts).

There's a lot of DJ and LB's in what seems to have been said. And none of that will help your relationship or create intimacy, or even simple agreement on the "stuff of life".

After you've reviewed all the above material, then take a look at the EN questionnaire, and work through it. It is possible that youre wife has a need that isn't being met that she thinks will be met with a boob job. And if she felt closer to you, she may not feel the need.

(Not judging boobjobs at all, to each their own), but make sure it's something tha tyou really want, as opposed to filling some emotional hole.