Please help me. I have been married for 25 years. We took a wonderful trip to Cancun to celebrate. While we were there he became so troubled. I pressed him and he told me that he had been unfaithful to me. He was so sad, and contrite, the guilt had been driving him crazy. I decided then that I would forgive and we would work to get things right again. He even called the OW with me present and told her how wrong he was and that it was over. I felt that we were on the right track. When we got back however, he seemed to be very concerned about me and kind, but he began to "talk" regularly with a girl in another state on the computer. This is not the girl of the affair, but someone he says is just friends with. He will not be the slightest bit affectionate with me. In fact he seems repelled by the idea. He knows I need him right now, but he "just can't make himself" What can I do to bring him back to me. He says he loves me, I do love him. I just dont know <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

How silly is it to reply to your own post <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> When I read my post, I realized two things. First, that it is clear that feels he has to rely on someone else to meet his emotional needs. My failure to do so is frequently discussed. But, I am at a different place in my life now. Is it too late? The second thing I realized is that I put my post in the wrong place <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> So I guess I will post on the infidelity area and refer to this line.

As one who has had an affair ( me ) I can tell you how hard it is for the wayward spouse to reconnect with their spouse after having the affair.
Honesty, while the best policy, is something that the wayward spouse will be vague with, you will get some honesty, but not all, and its not because he wants to still be decietful, but some of the honesty you might be wanting are the very things hes trying to protect you from so that no further hurt is inflicted.Now as insane as this might sound, even tho he has strayed, Im sure he still has feelings for you and as your husband, he will try to protect you. I am a firm believer that some things we dont know wont hurt us. Good luck, and give him time to come to you, dont push to hard, it causes those of us who have had an affair close up even more. Hope all the best for you both.

In the Q&A section up at the top, there is a ton of good material from Dr. H on recovering from infidelity.

You need to read that material. 2x. It will answer a lot of questions, and set you on the path to recovery, if you follow the guidelines.

It won't be easy, but it's doable.