How do I persuade my husband to learn and apply the marriage builders concepts? I have been unhappily married for nearly 13 years, with the last 2 years being extremely difficult.We started to see a marriage counselor 4 months ago and since then my husband has been telling me that he is grappling with whether or not he wants to continue in our marriage. And so he is hardly relating to me at all. He won't react to me, hardly talks to me. It's painful.

Over Christmas, a friend gave me His Needs, Her Needs for Parents. It's been very helpful. I see many of my mistakes. I've been trying to practice meeting needs, avoiding busters, but I get very little feedback from my husband. He travels A LOT, has been gone for the last 11 days. I left him notes, no reaction. I email him pictures from the family hike we took the day before he left, and he didn't even look at them. Wrote him a cute email about our boy, no reaction.

He feels under great stress with his work. And so I know he wouldn't even consider giving me one hour a day of time, let alone 15 hrs a week.

What do I do? I feel so discouraged and hopeless. We have 2 children. My parents divorced my senior year of high school and I don't want to visit that pain on my own kids.

I would encourage you to go to the Concepts link up above, and read everything under it.

Then the Q&A section.

You may need to look at the material on plan A and plan B.

You have no way to "force" your husband to change. You can only fix yourself, and then see if jointly you can work together to build a marraige.

I've read His Needs, Her Needs, Love Busters and HN, HN for Parents. I've spent hours reading on the website. I haven't seen Plan A and Plan B. Would you please direct me to where this is discussed?

Thanks.

it's int he Q&A section: What is Plan A and Plan B?

I was so touched by your post....how difficult! I feel your pain via cyberspace! It's so unfair to have someone NOT acknowledge you. It's so rude and disrespectful. I suspect that he is taking care of his needs....now it's your turn. There is only one person that can meet your needs....YOU. Sounds like you have made more than your share of trying to "negotiate" and unfortunately you can NOT force him to do anything. We only have control over what comes out of our mouths, our behavior, and our responses.

I wish I understood more about your situation. Noone is deserving of being treated as if they are unworthy. We are all human...only human. Focus on taking care of and loving yourself. If you don't, who will? Your kids need a healthy you. Take care and hope to hear back from you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />