Hello...I have been married 11 yrs. Everything was great for the first few years. Then we just fell apart. No affairs. No reason. I had some health issues and then we were waiting to adopt. I always thought that he was just having a hard time with the stress of my illness. Then the stress of infertily...then waiting for the adoption...I just kept thinking everything will even out once we are a family and we can fulfill the dreams and goals we set.

Well it has been 18 months since our baby was born and he is a great father. But we are falling apast so fast. There is nothing to "fix" just all these little attitudes and failures to communicate. By they go unresloved and we are drifting farther and farther away from each other.

My reason for posting is that I have read HN/HN, LoveBusters and HN/HN 4P. I think they are wonderful. I have renewed hope and have been trying to implement them in myself. Whenever I ask my husband to read them with me or to try to work on our marriage, he says that I am "dooming & glooming" and that me trying to work on us is what is causing the problem. My daughter and I are going on a trip for a week. I asked him if I could leave the HN/HN 4P book so if he had a chance he could read some. He yelled at me that he was sick of me acting as if he didn't love me. then he slammed out of the room to bed. We are leaving and he shows me he loves me by not even kissing me g'bye or helping me with the baby, luggage,dog ect...?

How can I get him to realise that we have a problem and it hurts so much that he won't help us be a better couple? How do I work on this alone?

Sorry so long...thanks

Good question. My WH acted the same way off and on in the marriage. Never would admit that there was a problem, so I let it go. It built up and here I am today. I'd also like to know the answer just in case he comes back home to me and the kids for good. It's something we have to work on.
Up for suggestions.

It is just another opinion... so here goes:

I would reccomend getting the Harley material you have read to a mutual friend of yours and your husbands. Get this person (couple, maybe?) to read Harley and pick a light hearted time (at best) to let this come into a discussion between you all.

in the book Mastering the Art of Selling, the principle was given that when you want to tell someone something, let them tell themselves, answering the question you formulated. If they tell themselves, it has to be true, if you tell them it can be doubted.

Listen to your heart/gut and seek to be honest along the lines of not love busting... all the while drawing him out - getting his ideas rather than only hearing yours..

Maybe don't share your conclusions - just discuss wat you actually want and investigate what he wants.

I know what you are talking about...by experience.

This may not be worth a plugged nickel but felt like trying to scratch an itch for you in someway.

c