I have been married to my H for almost 2 yrs and together almost 5. He is in the Military and will not be home for 3 more weeks. Recently he went on a trip to visit his family that he has not seen in over 10 years. His father is sick and I allowed him to go. When he came home, he was different, distant, edgy. I notice he set up a new email account that he did not tell me about. When he left I looked in his current email and found a love letter from a girl from his home town. I also heard a voice mail on his cell saying how she missed him. I called her and she confirmed my suspicions. He told her he was seperated. He took her out to dinner. She said they did not have sex, but they kissed and he told her he has feelings for her. I see on his cell phone that he has called her since he's been home. I don't know what to do. I have 3 weeks to wait until he returns from a training mission to confront him. I want to save our marriage since we have a child together. Does anyone have any advice on what I should say and how to say it? Please any help would be great, thanks.

Since you have some time, I would find a good marriage counselor, and go see them right away and have them help you plan some strategy.

How was the relationship prior to that? Military life is tough on families.

I was definately going to suggest marriage counseling to him. I don't see how we can resolve this issue without one. Before this happened I thought we were happy. Everyone always said how happy we looked together. We are very close and talk about everything. We have fun together. Lately though, we haven't spent any alone time together. It's always me him and our daughter. I always tell him that we need some time to go out together alone, as husband as wife. But money is tight so we can't really afford a babysitter. I see most military husbands are not faithful. I don't know if he is trying to fit in with his buddy's, but I don't like it. I just don't know how to confront him with this? What if he denies it? What do I say without leading into a huge arguement?

Been there. I agree that infidelity runs rampant in the military, but that is not an excuse to be unfaithful. Although my husband was. I knew men that didn't and actually told on him. The councelor sounds great. I strongly advise you to get a civilian councelor. I tried counceling with several military advisors. Some clergy (they were the worst) and some not. The "buddy" mentality is on his side even with councelors. I don't envy you this task. I don't know if I could survive my experience again. Good luck to you.

I have confronted my husband both for infidelity with a real person, and internet infidelity, so I know what you're facing. I don't think I ever did it quite right, but I do know one thing NOT to do! Do not try to trap your husband into revealing the infidelity himself. I had the clever idea more than once that it would please me to have him confess "on his own" without me directly telling him what I had discovered about him, by just mentioning small bits of his secrets and leading him along until he trapped himself in his lies. Trust me that that is an idea from hell (and I mean that quite literally). Your goal with this is to reconcile with him, not trap him, humiliate him (even in front of you), and in any other way belittle him. This, of course, is tremendously difficult. Read Matthew 18:10-20. Then, when it is time to talk to him, keep in the front of your heart and mind the idea that the entire *point* of confrontation is reconciliation and forgiveness. You are not there to nail your husband to the wall (as tempting as it will be). All the best to you. Ours is not an enviable position, and I am sorry to hear that you have to face it.