I'm writing because i'm wondering if you have any advice for me. Recently my wife and I had a little beautiful son. He is one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me next to marrying my wife. The thing is, we both have had alot of tension lately and it almost feels like she hates me. I try my hardest to help her out as much as I can. I wake up at night (she is breast feeding) and change his diaper and hold him while she is getting prepared for him, i go to work in the morning until 5 pm, I come home and take care of him as much as possible and I try to help clean and I cook dinner every now and then. It seems it is not enough for her, she complains that "i'm doing only enough to get by". Last night the baby woke up at 4am and I changed his diaper and burped him. I asked my wife a question and I don't even remember what it was, something like "do you want him over here now" and she just answered with a smart ellic comment and I said ohhh mommy has an attitude, but I was just kidding and I should have known better that early in the morning to play around. Needless to say she got very mad and told me to shut up and said I was just kidding that I don't understand why she has to get so mad at me all the time. She said some fowel language at that point and I told her she needs to stop treating me that way because it is very hurtfull and she told me not to talk to her because she is getting tired of me, I asked her if she wanted to leave and she said don't tempt me. That hurt so badly, after her mood swings for 9 months and the ones she's having now because of hormones I just broke down and cried for 30 minutes straight. I tried to go to sleep and it kept me up and I uncontrolably sobbed until I had to get up for work. I feel like i'm dying inside, and it wouldn't bother me much if I did. I have thoughts of wrecking on the way to work and feeling somewhat relieved when it plays in my mind. I am very worried that my marriage won't work out because this is #3 and I promised myself with the last one that i'd never love like that again and leave myself open. I love my wife so bad it hurts sometimes, I don't know what to do when this happens. Is there anything I can do here?

It could be something like post-partum depression causing your W's moodiness. That stuff can last a long time, although is relatively treatable.

I would stop with the joking about your W's attitude, and stop engaging in any LB acticity. Jokes about a person, regardless of motivation are death by a thousand cuts to a relationship. If you look at it, you joked (But it wasn't really a joke, because you were really saying that you didnt' appreciate the attitude), and nothing good came of it. So stop.

I would suggest that perhaps seeing a dr. about it being depression may be in order.

I would also suggest that you seek some IC and perhaps some MC together with your wife, and figure out ways to mutually and respectfully meet each others needs.

I understand, and I apoligized for it. She is now talking aboutleaving me and I don't know what to do, im sure if she ever would, but she's never said that before, and we sure as hec have had worse arguments than this. I basically am just going to stop joking like that with her, I see your point about hurting her like that, I wish I could take it back. I notice alot of things bother her like that now a days even when she was pregnant. I love the days when she is not in a bad mood she can be so sweet , but those days are pretty few in between. I want to be able to do everything to help her out. It almost kind of seems that she just doesn't want to have to deal with it all day, she says I get a break at work (YEAH), I understand I get a baby break but I love him so much that any time together is great even if he's crying, which he's an awesome baby. Other than the jokes am I being a good father and husband? What else can I do?

Well, you and your W can see a dr, and see if it really is post-partum depression. If so, with the right treatment, you may find the issue disappearing completely.

Or you can keep saying "What can I do", and not do anything, and wonder what happened when the marriage falls apart.

I would take the pro-active approach.

I am a little curious as to what your wife means when she says she's leaving. Is she intending on leaving with the baby? (in which case, I dont' see how she'll ever get a break), or is she planing on leaving you with the child while she heads off to party-land? These are ?'s I would want to know the answer to if I were you.

But I think seeing either a therapist or a dr. is your best first step.

Patrick...
It seems to me that you ARE doing a lot for your wife to help her with the baby. If this started during her pregnancy, it is very likely that hormonal imbalance is involved. Pregnancy can do crazy things to a body.

But, I think you two definitely need to talk to someone. This could get out of control, and then it would be hell.

dok

I am currently pregnant, due in 5 weeks.

And I have a history of PPD (post-partum depression). It is very real. And it is something she may not even REALIZE she has. I have 3 daughters and the PPD showed up after #2. My third pregnancy was spared the PPD.

Currently, I am in counseling because I am aware of the PPD and it is frightening. *For me* it does start before birth...with some hormonal changes.

I am sorry I don't have much advice for you. Just support. I agree, you need to stop joking about her moods. If this is PPD, she feels just as out of control as you see her as acting.

I always felt out of control of my emotions and that was SICKENING and MADDENING to me!

Be there for her. Suggest the PPD. Suggest talking to her doctor at her 6 week post-natal visit. That is when I was dx.

Wishing you much luck.

I did the exact same thing to my H after each of our children were born. I deeply regret it. He was as wonderful as you seem to be and did not deserve one bit of the pain my AO's caused him. I felt my H's pain in your words tonight. I never knew how much he was hurting. It was always all about me. I remember feeling overwhelmed. I remember the fear of losing myself, my career, my ambitions, my figure etc. I thought I couldn't be a good mother and a good wife and a good salesperson at the same time. There were lots of intense feelings and they were valid BUT they were not excuses for my bad behavior. I didn't know how to communicate what I was feeling effectively to my H.(I thought I was communicating loud and clear back then)
Do whatever you can to get your wife into some kind of anger management therapy. It helped me find peace with myself more than anything else I have tried. I wish someone would have recommended it to me long ago, and so does my H.