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#63605 02/02/99 09:19 AM
Joined: Feb 1999
Posts: 1
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Martha7 Offline OP
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What are the reasons people marry other than to start a family. I have known my boyfriend for 3 years and we have been dating for 1 year and living together for 3 months. I want to get married but already have children from a previous marriage (they don't live with us) and cannot have more (through my own choice). He does not want children anyway. But he quizzes me on my reasons for wanting to marry. All I can come up with is "love and a lasting commitment". This doesn't seem to be answer enough for him. Is there something I'm missing? It's very frustrating.<br>

#63606 02/05/99 02:58 PM
Joined: Dec 1998
Posts: 12
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Marriage is a union of two people, physically, emotionally and spiritually. It means that your commitment is deeper and with a deeper commitment will be a deepening of your love because you become more vulnerable and are willing to share and risk more of yourselves for one another. You should ask yourself why he does not want to marry? Is he afraid of divorce or commitment? Maybe you two should talk to a counselor about it together.

#63607 02/17/99 01:33 AM
Joined: Feb 1999
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in any event please do not encourage him to marry you. he probably knows you will marry him if he asked. now you must decide if you're ok with living together. if you are then simply hang in there an enjoy life. if not continue as long as you long as you like and move on. but whatever you do you should pressure him or give him an ultimatum. i believe a man must feel strongly enough about his love for you and commitment to you to publicly ask you to marry him. if he doesn't feel so strongly about you he maybe staying only out of convience. 26yrs ago, my girlfriend at the time, lost her job, and after dating me for about 2 months she moved in with me. i had been separated from my 1st wife for only 3 months. we lived together for 2 yrs and she gave me an ultimatum, sh$t or get off the pot. in looking back i can see that it was a major mistake. i remember then having a hard time deciding to marry her. and now we're separated and i'm having trouble knowing if i ever loved her. i'm fairly certain i didn't want to marry her. but she was/is a wonderful person, gave me lots of sex. i was insecure, and afraid of being alone, and i've always had a hard time breaking up with girlfriends because i hate to hurt feelings. i wish now she had not pressured me because now i may never know if i would have elected to ever ask for her hand in marriage. to this day i still feel i was pressured to marry her and somehow because i wasn't my idea, i've never been totally commetted to her. so there you have it. if he doesn't think enough of you to ask you to marry him, simply keep living with him or move on. hope this helps.


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