Four years ago I made the toughest decision of my entire life. I asked my husband for a divorce. My whole has life changed drastically since that point. Every belief I held to be true was shot out the window. It took me three years before I felt comfortable around other people. The divorce went through but that did not help the psychological damage which had been done both during the marriage and the divorce. My ex-husband was extremely controlling, to the point of not letting me leave our home without his permission, not allowing me to contact my family unless it was through him, not allowing me to choose my clothing or food by myself, basically not letting me have any thoughts of my own without his approval. I realize that he did not put me in this position but that I chose to be in it. This knowledge, as good as it is, doesn't help the dark times which come at night as I still battle my demons. <P>This past year, however, the best thing has happened to me. I met an incredible man who has touched my soul in every way and most importantly, showed me the true me whom I am coming to love more day by day. Through him, I have rediscovered a faith in God which I completely lost and a faith in humanity which I didn't trust. Although he alone is not responsible for all of the good things that have happened to me in the past year, he has truly helped me. <P>Last fall we were engaged and we moved in togther. This has helped my demon nights (as I like to call them). He reminds me of the good in me and helps to calm me down. Just so I don't give the wrong impression, he is not my caretaker and I do not rely solely on him to banish my problems. He simply is my love and helps me when the going gets tough. <P>Where the problem arises is that I have not hidden the fact that we live together. Personally, I feel blessed to have this opportunity. I'm not ashamed of my choice but, as it turns out, my employer is. I've been threatened with my job if I don't move out. My employer will listen to no explanation and uses isolated passages out of the bible to condemn my choices and calls me immoral and not a Christian. Ironically, I've never felt closer to God in my entire life.<P>I'm not sure how to react to this situation. I'm not even sure it is legal what he is doing. Part of me feels silly for even stating this problem but I'm just so confused as to what I should do and I didn't know where to turn since I've been told not to discuss this situation with my co-workers. If anyone here has any ideas, I would certainly welcome them!

What your employer is doing is VERY illegal! You should either see a lawyer or start looking for another job so you won't be harrassed at work.

Thanks KBear. I have begun looking for a new job. If I find one, it should solve the situation for me. I guess part of me feels badly for others who work for this man. Since this has happened to me, I've heard many stories of how he's mistreated other employees. Again, I'm not one who likes to stir up trouble but I feel very strongly that he is being allowed to threaten people unfairly. I would like to take a stance but I don't know exactly how to do that. I think I knew it was illegal but I don't know where to go with that, or even if I should.

Call a lawyer, check first but usually the first visit for a consultation is free or very reasonable. <P>Ask relatives or close friends for the name of someone in your area who will do a good job. <P>I've heard of cases where the person decided not to work in the same place anymore but the employer had to guarantee a good/accurate reference (if that's worrying you).

Arwyn,<P>Sounds like what your employer is doing is indeed, illegal. Here's a phone number and web site that may help you out. It's the American Center for Law and Justice - the ACLJ. (NOT the ACLU - though they might be willing to help you out as well.)<P>Whether your employer - or anyone else approves of your lifestyle, I don't believe that they can selectively enforce Biblical mandates they happen to agree with. (Although I would yank his chain by asking him about drinking, smoking, his thought life, whether he or anyone else in the office has been divorced, etc. but I'm a known troublemaket! )<P>The Web site is www.ACLJ.ORG and the pnone is (757) 226-2489. Jay Sekulow - head counsel - has a daily radio show on (among other stations) WYLL in Chicago. He loves to take apart employers who infringe on their employee's rights. (Usually in the arena of religious liberty, but, hey, liberty is liberty, right?)<P>Go Get 'em!<BR><P>------------------<BR>Val<BR>(The Husband)<BR>val_vv@Yahoo.com<P>

Thanks to you both. My next step will be to check things out with a lawyer as you have both recommended. <P>Ironically, my boss was asked by another employee who was defending my situation to him about the fact that he drinks alcohol and whether or not employees should be in trouble for that. My boss' response? "I don't drink to excess. If I were stumbling drunk on the street corner, then I believe it would be okay to call me on it." Now, the way my colleague and I interepreted this to mean in my situation is, it's okay to do what he considers a sin as long as it is not in excess and not extremely visible to the public. For me, I believe his issue is sex which means it would be okay for me to do it as long as it's not in excess or extremely visible to the public. Now, since he did threaten my job, my colleague and I assume he thinks I'm selling myself on the street corner which makes it okay for him to do this. <P>I did mention to him too that if he's going to take passages literally from the bible, he should check out the one about casting stones. He wasn't too pleased with that. <P>Finally, I realize that I never mentioned that the place where I work is a private non-profit institution which is funded in part by different churches. I don't know if that changes things in regards to the law.