I am not necessarily against living together before marriage. I think it just depends on the couple and what meets both of their needs at the time. <P>My husband and I lived together for almost three years before we got married, and we have had what I would call an exceptionally happy 20-year marriage since then. Many of our friends also lived together before marriage, and their marriages have been good ones.<P>People live together before marriage for lots of different reasons. I agree that if someone is doing it because they are "playing house," or are not serious about the other person - then it is a bad idea and someone is bound to get badly hurt. <P>But, if both partners are serious about each other, love each other and want to be together - but just not quite ready for the next step of marriage - then I think it's a fine option to consider if they want that. <P>In our case, and in the case of other people we know, living together was not an ALTERNATIVE to getting married - it was a step along the way to that commitment. <P>Actually, I think it was because we took the marriage commitment very seriously that we took our time about making it and lived together first. Not that we were "testing" our relationship to see if it could endure living together.<P>Rather, we loved each other and wanted to be together, but didn't want to get married till we were very, very sure it was the right thing.<P>I think that I especially (not my husband) just didn't feel quite confident enough in myself to make that wholehearted commitment afer dating for just a year at a fairly young age. He probably would have married me a lot sooner than I was ready to marry him - not that I didn't love him; I just lacked confidence. <P>After a few years of living together and doing some growing up together and coming to have greater faith and trust in ourselves and each other, I realized that I was fully ready for marriage and that he was the one and only for me.<P>There was a brief period during our living together when each of us briefly flirted with the possibility of seeing other people - and even did so. It was hurtful and scary, but I am glad that we got it out of the way BEFORE we got married - and learned how it feels to hurt and be hurt like that by someone you love and who loves you. And, we realized that we loved each other more than anything or anyone. So, we came through that brief trouble spot okay and stronger.<P>We went into marriage with our eyes wide open, knowing a great deal about each other, and having made the happy decision to commit to each other. We had both come to the realization that we wanted to be with no one but each other. <P>So, I do not really agree with the theory that living together before marriage is necessarily a bad idea. I am sure it is in some cases, just as some marriages are obviously a bad idea. <P>I think it just depends on the couple and how serious they are about each other and whether a long-term, committed relationship and marriage is something they both WANT in the long run. <P>In our case, it certainly was - we lived together because we loved each other a great deal and wanted to be together and work toward that...we were just slow at getting to the point where we were ready for that. <P>I'm not saying everyone SHOULD live together before marriage. I'm not even saying that MOST people should. I can't say that, because I really don't know. I just know it worked for us and it has worked for others I know. So, I wouldn't agree that it's a bad idea in general or that it will necessarily result in an unhappy ending. Ours has been great.<P>writer<P>