I am trying to do a research paper on this and wanted to know what some of you out there had to say on this topic.<P>Thank you

My ex-H and I lived together for 8 years. He swore he'd never get married. Turns out he said that because he knew I didn't want kids. I didn't want kids - with him. He is an alcoholic. I married him anyway. We lasted 3 years before his affair. Now we are divorced. It has been almost one year since I found out about the affair.<P>In a nutshell, I think living together is the wrong thing to do. It makes people [in general] less committed. I think if we hadn't lived together for so long first, we would have maybe found a way to work thru our problems. It also makes the marriage less special, especially at first. <P>If you have any specific questions, please feel free to email me. My email address is in my profile.

I'm curious about the American attitude condemning living together... because the European view is quite the opposite.<BR>

My husband and I lived together for about three years before we got married, and we have been married for twenty years. In our case, we lived together because we loved each other a lot and wanted to be together, but were not quite ready to get married. It was a step along the way. <P>After awhile, we grew closer and more secure in our relationship, and finally, we were ready to marry. <P>For us, it was fine and helpful -- we got to know each other very well, we worked out some insecurities, we each had the opportunity to stray and decided we really didn't want to . . . in short, it worked out fine. <P>I suppose it might have worked out just as well if we had NOT lived together -- who knows -- but I do think that, living together or not, it was good that we took a good, long time to get to know each other before marrying. Our marriage has been and continues to be a happy one.<P>

I lived with my husband before we got married and I think it had a very bad affect on my marriage and to be honest I doubt we will still be together too much longer. Most of the reasons the Dr mentions in the Q and A section are the very things that are happening to us. I really wish I could take back time but I know I can't.

Living together may have been a bad thing for me and my H. We've been married for 9, lived together for 2 beforehand. We lived together because both of us were commitment shy! That should tell you something right there.<P>I am currently going through the worst time of my life and my relationship - no other people are involved. My H thinks he's not cut out for relationships and what it takes to keep one going (nice time to let me know) and never wants children ("we're just not the right couple to have kids") etc, etc.<P>I am ready to separate from him to get some space because our relationship seems worthless to him and I am numb with what has transpired over the last month and a half.<P>I wish that I hadn't even met this guy, much less moved in with him. It made things too easy, and the commitment of marriage "not very special." He always said he didn't care about the institution of marriage and the rings meant nothing, and that if he didn't love me, he would leave. Well, now the message is that he doesn't love me and he doesn't have the b*lls to leave. That's why I will have to.<P>Sorry for rambling - thanks for listening. Still trying to find something to be thankful for today. It's hard.