Sofia,<BR>I was with my now husband for 9 years before we got married. Of course, we met when I was 21 and he 23, and we didn’t feel ready to marry until only a few years ago. At least, that’s when I started to feel ready. We had already been living together for 5 years when I started to feel the urge to get married, but because we were already living together, he didn’t see any need to make it “official”. I found this to be so silly because we had no intention of breaking up; we had a solid relationship, we owned property, cars & furniture together. In essence, we were already married. But making it official is VERY scary to most men, including my husband. He hedged and made all types of excuses. I was patient and continued to show my love for him, because in truth, you cannot force someone to marry you. You can only decide for yourself how important it is to you and how long you’re willing to wait. And never offer an ultimatum unless you are prepared to stand by it. In the end, I never had to do that. He finally caught up with me in my desire, and we married last year. But if he had not truly wanted to marry me, or been ready, believe me, I wouldn’t have been able to make him do it. The best way to go into a marriage is with both parties totally agreeable and willing and WANTING it. Otherwise, there may be some resentment on the part of the forced party, and the other party will always feel insecure. Don’t withhold your love as a punishment. But make it clear to him that this is something you eventually want with him. You don’t say how old you are or if you live together. That may be a factor too. If he’s still relatively young, he may be feeling the fear that he will be trapped once you marry. And with marriage often comes many other responsibilities, such as children and in-laws and mortgages, etc. Your boyfriend may truly not be ready for any of this. And believe me, you would not want a husband who wasn’t. Have a serious heart-to-heart with him and tell him your fears and wants and dreams in a non-threatening or demanding way. Ask him if he wants to be with you too. Get a feel for his desire for a lifetime commitment. Ask him if he feels this may be something he would want down the road. Really listen to him. Depending on what he says, decide from there what you want to do and how long you’re willing to wait. Good luck!<BR>
