Hi everyone,<P>I'm in a very complicated relationship and desperately need some advice.<P>Allow me to preface my request with some information explaining the complications we face. When we entered this relationship I had already two children. To make the sitiation worse, both of my children have a severe physical disability that confines them to wheelchairs and require complete assisatance for all normal activities of daily living. This is a huge stressor for us both, it often leaves me exhausted, both physically and emotionally.He was well aware of this before we entered our relationship, and understood the enormity of the responsibility involved when we chose to all live together.<P>About 18 months after we began living together he was transfered to a nearby city, because the children have established support networks here I could not pack up and move, so we chose that he would commute. This means that he is gone from home at least 50% of the time, sometimes more. Even though the children are not his, I often find myself resenting him for his stress free time away from the home and leaving me alone to deal with it all.But, on the other hand, I understand that he is doing it for our financial security.<P>We are currently facing two very prominant problems. Firstly, his need to run to his family about everything that happens in our relationship, particularly his sister. I'm not saying I want him to cut of communication or his "support", I recognize that his family are wonderful people. His parents have accepted me and my children with open arms, claiming the children as their own grandchildren even though we are not married. But, I am still deeply troubled by the fact that they are aware of my most intimate ( emotionally) issues. To me it seems like a betrayal of our trust.<P>Secondly, I want to get married. I want to make this commitemnt to him, and to "our" family. He knows of my desires, yet refuses to address them. I know he loves me, and I know he loves the children, but I think he feels the responsibility far too much to bare if in a position where he feels "trapped in". I don't want to live the rest of my life "living together". I want to give my children the firm concept of love, commitment and relationships.<P>These stressors are becoming very destructive. I find myself becoming resentful and hurt by his lack of desire. He feels like I am nagging and being difficult and distant. I love him dearly and want this to work, but am unsure whether I am willing to stay when he is unable to commit.<P>I'd appreciate anyones thoughts and or opinions on the subject. Thanx<P>eternitie

Eternitie,<P>Would it be possible, financially and otherwise, for you and your children to move out and live separately from your SO? As long as you're living together, there's not much motivation for him to want to get married, he probably feels he's got the best of both worlds as it is, and he's probably right. <P>As far as his sharing details of your relationship with his family is concerned, it sounds as if his family is pretty close-knit. You mentioned his parents accept your children as their grandchildren... if his family has always been close and open that way, it won't change anytime soon. Have you read Love Busters? Have you tried to communciate your need for more emotional privacy with him, without Love Busting?<P>Good luck.<p>[This message has been edited by younglove (edited April 04, 2001).]