Today is the first time I entered this site and I have found it to be quite beneficial and refreshing. My story, I have a 3 year old with a man I have been dating for 5 years. I also have 2 older children from a previous marriage, one almost a teen.<P>My dilemma is that I finally have him committing to a house. But yes, I remained concerned he would not marry me if I moved in with him. For that reason, I find it best not to move in. I feel after 5 years he should have enough of an idea of what he would be getting into. Incidentally he was married previously as well for a short time and thankfully there were no children but the divorce was quite difficult. <P>I think bottom line for me; is that I have a responsibility to all three children to instill certain values. I don't feel I would achieve the level of security, respect and love from living together.<P>Yes, he feels I am spoiled and unappreciative for what I do have. We vacation regularly, he is there for me most of the time. I suspect he understands my feelings, but has his own feelings to consider. Is it really right for me to expect him to change to what I want and vice versa.<P>I didn't go through five years to lose him, however, I don't feel comfortable moving my children into a home unless it will become permanent. I am afraid we would have all the things marriage brings, less the marriage. I don't believe I would be able to control my feelings and I think eventually I would become angry and say things that would hurt him. I can't put him through that and I wouldn't myself either. Also I would be dealing with moving out as my only alternative and why move in, to move out. <P>It took me a long time to get honest with myself and my feelings. I tried to give him what he needed, tried patience, tried questionning myself and my own desires, but somewhere along the line I realized I had my own needs and I couldn't jeopardize them for anyone else's. <P>What a loss I feel now. Also note I didn't walk out with the hope he would change his mind. I wasn't trying to force the issue for him, I would want him to be sincere if he wanted marriage. I also know I will now have to put my money where my mouth is and not take him back. I only wished he realized what he had in me. <P>But that is why I chose to call myself honest. What I wanted was my honesty as well as his. He's not ready and that's ok. But I can't wait around hoping he'll appreciate me enough someday. We have a lot to be thankful for. All our basic needs are met, food, clothing, shelter plus we have our health, good jobs and good families. I do have guilt knowing that our daughter will not get what I would like to provide. I question my decision knowing what effect this will have on her. She will lose her parents as she knows them. I cannot tell you the grief I have there.<BR>But at the same time I do feel that this appears to be what is right, proper and best in the long run.<P>Hope it helps someone else.<BR>Thanks.<P><P>------------------<BR>