My boyfriend of 4 years has been accusing me of having affairs, usually with my boss seriously for the last 15 months. It happens approximately once or twice a month and it feels like he has a time bomb inside him waiting to go off. I have had a new boss for the last 5 months and he thinks I have started having an affair with him when I am in the office. In my job I have to work until 6.30-7pm at times and his accusations are tearing us apart. It is soul destroying to not be trusted when you love the person with all your heart and would never even look at another bloke. I believe it must have to do with a low self esteem but he seems so outwardly confident. He says it didn't happen in past relationships (he has been married and she used to go out at night and leave him with the kids), but he says he hasn't felt the same love for any other woman in his life. When this happens, he always promises to see a counciller and I have said that I will be there as he feels I need help with my anger which I have come to realise is directly proportionate to the fear I feel when the 'time bomb' is going to go off. In turn he sees this anger as dissatisfaction with love and sex at home and that is his reasoning for feeling I am doing to dirty. Please recommend websites and councillers who may be able to help. Thank you in advance for any suggestions.

Your boyfriend does not seem to be secure of himself at all and although he was done wrong in the past he is now a grown man and should put aside his childish attitude. His past should not be an excuse to never trust you, your are not the same woman he was with before.I was cheated on twice before I met the girl that I'm going to marry. My fiancee and I haven't seen each in a year and three months but we love each other so much that we trust one another, and we have a wedding date set for January 19th of 2002 when we will see each other for the first time in alomost two years from the time of the wedding. What I want to say with this is that if he really means when he says that he has never loved another woman like he loves you then he will beliece what you tell him. <BR> What I'm going to say next may hurt but I think it's true. You are not that special to him from what you have written on your letter because if you were special to him he would not talk to you the way he does now. He will be with someone else and will act the same way because it's a problem that he has inside, it's not you....he has to grow up and be a real man.<BR> So if you want to live with someone who will always accuse you of wrong doing which you know is not true you will be unhappy forever. You will try to breakup but with time it will be even harder to do it....not because you love him but because what is happening now will become a habit...a part of life that you will get use to. You deserve someone who will without a doubt show his love for you and one of those ways will be by trusting in your word and in your heart. You deserve better and he will do exactly the same thing with someone else. End this relationship soon before it's too late and one more thing, don't fall right away for the next guy that crosses your path.....our own emotions can hurt us the worst. You decide how you want to be treated be a man...don't let him decide for you; it's your life, not his.