My boyfriend and I are both in our mid-late twenties and have lived together now almost three years while we were completing graduate school. We were very happy, talking about marriage, our future and planned to move across country to take research positions at the same university. The future was very bright. Last night that all changed... he told me he has been feeling numb towards me and he thinks it may reflect his concerns with us. He is considering not moving with me as planned. He said he didn't feel like he "loved" me and that I felt like more his best friend than his idea of "love". This is where I need advice... I don't know if I can help him see what is really wrong.... I think he is scared about how good things really are and where they are going. "J" has always had a very rocky road in his past relationships, picking women who used him and tossed him aside. He said that for all the pain he felt during the bad times, he still missed the highs he got when things were good. He misses the thrill of the roller coaster ride, I guess. Since he's never had a loved on treat him with respect, he may not know how to handle it. In a sense I think he's psyching himself out of our relationship, perhaps to avoid the committment involved. He says he needs highs and lows to truly feel anything. Since I don't give him that he doesn't "feel" for me the way he thinks he should. I don't know... I'm very hurt, sad, and confused right now. I want to help him and I want to save "us," because we really do have a beauitful relationship outside of this recent numbness he's describing. Please help.

Mistys,<P> I understand what you are saying and feeling. Before I met my wife, I went through that roller coaster with alot of women. They saying to me that I deserved someone better than them. What is happening is, he is so use to being mistreated and disrespected, that someone actually giving him those things, is confusing him. He doesn't really know how he should feel or even do. You have to talk to him, and really encourage him on not to feel that way. Actually show him comparison of what he didn't have, and of what he has, and that will make him think. I tell you this, because this is what I did with my wife