Okay this is a topic that has caused a lot of tension in my relationship.<BR> My workplace its rather unconventional. People are very close here, they go out after work together, are very friendly. But the one thing that causes problems for me, is that some people at work are huggers..they are naturally huggy people (guys mostly). And on more than one occassion I've been hugged by one of them. <P>Now I'm not terribly keen on the idea..I'm friendly but I tend to keep my distance, I'm not a touchy feely kind of person except with my loved ones. But my fiance has a hard time with this, he thinks these men are doing this because they are attracted to me or trying to cop a cheap feel. And honestly when I think about the situation reversed I can see how this could make someone uncomfortable, though I know all the ladies he works with, and if any of them approached him they way I am approaced I truly don't think it would bother me. <P>Its my impression that these people at my workplace are just a friendly group, its not just me they come up and hug, thats just the way it is here..like I said unconventional. <P>Am I being unreasonable about wanting him to be a little more tolerant? I don't like getting the third degree about this every so often. And any advice how I can find a way to not be in the situation where I am 'huggable' besides hiding under my desk..lol. <P>Thanks!<BR>TorGirl

This is a problem if your boyfriend and yourself feel it is a problem. The fact that you said you would feel very uncomfortable if this was being done by co-female workers to your fiance says a great deal. You need to be forthright and simply say to your coworkers that you are only comfortable hugging your family and fiance and would appreciate it if they would respect this. I cannot see how they would object.<P>I think that this could be a problem down the line since it is really bothering your fiance and he may start to think that what is good for the goose is good for the gander. You know that this really bothers him. Marriage is all about dealing with the small problems before they can become really big problems. Deal with this now or I guarantee you that you will be sorry later. Good Luck.

I agree<P>You should cross your arms when someone wants to hug you and give them a non smile but straight face<P>This will work<P>And tell your fiance you are doing this to show him that you are trying to keep at bay<P>Work is not a place for physical contact <P>It is where most things start<P>You are right<P>Log into <A HREF="http://www.allexperts.com" TARGET=_blank>www.allexperts.com</A> and ask questions there<P>Look out for PhD<P>They normally are qualified psych.s<P>Jesus loves you<P>Carol<BR>

Thanks to both you of for your honest replies. i always thought this was unusual behavior for the work place, but it seems accepted as the norm here. I myself am somewhat uncomfortable with the whole thing, but didn't want to be seen as a stick in the mud. I truly do not want to cause any friction in my relationship, nothing is worth having problems with the one you love. <P>Thanks again<P>TorGirl<BR>

i understand the uncomfortable part but life is full of these situations. I am with a guy from the middle east and he too is bothered if anyone touches me in any way - or looks at me in certain ways or talks to me in certain ways, or breathes the same air... oh, I got lost there for a moment....... Anyway this very subject has been discussed. See in the south alot of people tend to be touchy feelly kinds and there is absolutely nothing sexual about it - sometimes there is but you can tell. I am just not comfortable causing a big scene about it when I truly feel the person is being innocent - So here is what works for him and me - reach out and grab their opposite hand and then pull the hug close, with your arm still between you - that way nothing touches, you threw them off guard and the handshake makes it clear as "nothing else". Also it makes hugging you awkward so without you having ever said a word you have discouraged it and no ones feelings are hurt. <P>Of course you can outright tell them but I don't like to hurt someone's feelings just to spare someone else's unless it is the last possible option.