I have been living with my fiance for almost a year...we met in Church and thought we were made for one another.He was on the rebound from a livin situation that lasted 4 years...wants a Christian woman...I didn't want to live or have sex till I was married and told him this...then I gave in/fell hard...mad at myself...anyhow we have been having trouble on and off for 7 mos. went to Christian counseling and was told we should maybe split up...He tells me he loves me more than life itself and really wants to try...at first he wanted me to change and respect him, it was all my doings...now he finally realizes that he needs to do some changing also...I am not sure I want to...I want to move out and not live together and he insists that we can't...We have been "acting" like we were married so we should stay together and "make it" work...he wanted S too and I said no...not until I marry...he said lets go get married then...help...am I beating my head against the wall...he has an "Oh poor me" attitude that everyone sees...even his friends...and can't let go of his past ex's...I know I have been getting angry and have outbursts cause we can't seem to communicate...he never "listens" to me always tries to read something else into what I say...I say what I mean and very clearly...like I don't want to go into his ex's driveway... and he goes in anyhow, cause she wants him to keep an eye on it while she is gone, and said he thought I meant something else....HELP!!!! sorry for the long post...

Hi! I can sense the anger and frustration you are feeling at this minute. First, have you read Dr Harley's article on living together before marriage? It might give you some immediate insight into your problem.<BR>Please do not ever feel pressured into having sex, even when you are married. And that is never a good reason to get married. If you have been fighting for 7 months, it sounds like some other issues are going on that need to be resolved -living apart may be the best answer, but that is not my or anyone elses decision to make for you. I think you need some time to really look at your situation clearly. Do you still attend church, and how does the pastor feel about your living arrangements?<BR> You mention boyfriends ex---is this ex wife or girlfriend? Where is this jealousy coming from.? Besides watching house while she was gone, is there other contact on a regular basis? Did he live with her for the 4 yrs and if so, why did they break up, or not get married? Maaybe there is some type of behavior pattern with him going on??<BR>These are just some questions to get you thinking and to get you started on doing what is in your best interests. I know others will respond soon.

Gee for a second there - I thought I had an alter ego and had posted this.<P>The living together thing offers you no insight except to tell you you are doomed. <P>If you want to move out - you just have to do it. He will fight you every single step of the way - so make peace with that before you start. Be loving about it and you might have a 50/50 chance of pulling it off while still being together. But also make peace with that it may finish it off. <P>I know this is not good news and I know it is not real helpfull but I assure you it is honest. Get in touch with what you want and put your head down and GO!!! do not stop till you are done. If he truly loves you he will be there when you are done - if not it is a simple elimination of illusions. Good luck!!!!

Yes the ex-girlfriend and him lived together for 4 years-she was rich...no more regular contact except her calling him when she wants him to do something for her...he left because she wouldn't go to church with him and wasn't comfortable bringing his mostly grown kids into her house...his exwife is now dead...froze to death this last winter after drinking too much...he still isn't over that yet and they have been divorced around 15 years...I did read Dr. Harley's living together and that is what got me to thinking about moving out since I didn't really want to live in the first place...He is jealous of every man that pays attention to me because his first wife left him for his best friend...now I am paying for all her doings...Thanks for the kind responses...I know I need to get out...now I just have to find a place I can afford alone...Thanks again...

oops forgot...yes we are still going to church and have tried premarital counseling...our pastor of course doesn't like the situation...he has suggested we end being friends since we can't see "eye to eye" !!! that is what I am tring to do...