I am not sure if it is my place or not to write to you about this situation, but I feel that before it is too late I should get some advice.<BR>My husband's brother has quite recently gotten a legal separation and 6 months later met a nice lady and eventually, a couple of months later has moved in with her. He has two children who he lives with partical time.<BR>At first, there were a few comments from my in-law family. We were a bit concerned that he may have been rushing into another doomed relationship. Ofcourse I have never spoken to my brother-in-law about it, but my husband has expressed concern to him. Both my husband and I are both committed in our 10 year marriage and we value our relationship with God as the most important in our lives. My husband has been raised in a christian household where a committment with Christ was the most natural thing to do. So one can just imagine the surprise we got when we heard of the living arrangements. They have been cohabitating now for about 9 mothns and recently found out that they are expecting a baby. What upsets me the most is that everyone seems to be just fine with the idea and that everything is fine! I love my brother-in-law, I would really like to see him truly happy. BUt he says he's is afraid of marriage because of his previous experience. I also feel sorry for his girfriend because I know she wants a deeper commitment, specially now with a baby on the way. My problem is, should I just sit by and let everything happen, (after all is their decision) or should my husband and I lovingly try to steer them towards GOd's way, and if that was the case, how would we approach them? I know for a fact that she wants to gett married, and the reason she settled, was because she tought that that situation was better than nothing! All because she loves him, and does not want to loose him.<BR>So do you have any ideas, whether we should say anything at all or just mind our own business.?<BR>I tend to usually mind my own business, but when it comes to someone's spirituality I tend to get more involved.<BR>Thanks

Tell him how you feel lovingly. Don't push him. If she is not pushing him any more than she is there may be a reason. Like maybe she knows how it will push him away - and with a kid on the way - you don't want to be the one responsible for that.<P>Truthfully, it is their non-marriage and if they do get married it will be their marriage. I will tell you that any complements you give her in front of him help. everytime my baby's family says something nice about me you can see him just beam. Like...<P>Jokingly from his brother. "My God this dinner is good. When are you gonna marry this woman? You better hurry cause if you don't I will."<P>From his sister. We were at the table talking and he walked in. "Hey, (his name), would you hurry up and make her my sister offically!!"<P>From his mother. When he was being impossible with her. "(his name), marry her - If she hasn't killed you yet - she must be a saint."<P>All these little compliments help. They are light hearted and fun loving and they keep it on his mind. <P>I don't have any problems with him wanting to marry me - I know he wants to - I'm the one not ready. But, I just know that when his family does these things - his eyes glass over and he is so proud of me. I also know they have done this since the start and maybe that is why he feels as strongly as he does about marrying me. who knows - but it couldn't hurt.

[img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] are u still wondering. are u full of questions.???
>has anyone answered you on the brotherinlaw issue.??<p>>>i know how you feel i to am a christian, and i can see myself getting involved the way u want to.
listen IF U KNOW THE POWER OF GOD then leave it alone,if he has given or not given his life U DEAR and your husband needs to be in agreement with oneanother, GOD IS BIGGER THEN U BOTH, AND HE CAN SORT THIS OUT FOR YOU BOTH, IS IT BOTHERING YOUR HUSBAND LIKE its bothering you?
if not THEN U MUST PRAY DAY IN AND DAY OUT
GOD SAYS PRAY WITHOUT CEASEING.<p>I DON'T KNOW IF ANYONE HAS GIVEN U A REPLY ON ANY THING U HAD TO SAY
but god has led me to respond AND I AM EVEN WONDERING IF YOU HAVE THIS SITTUATION DELT WITH IN A GODLY WAY. GODS WAY. DON'T GET INVOLVED SIT BACK AND WATCH BECAUSE HE PROBEBLY WON'T LISTEN TO U ANYWAYS, LET GOD HAVE THE REIGNS-
(be in control). U ARE NOT THE HOLY SPIRIT.-->
THESE ARE THE WORD I HAVE BEEN TOLD DAY IN AND DAY OUT, BUT I NEVER LISTENED. but now i do, with only maturity let god in.
DON'T SHUT HIM OUT.
leT GOD DO HIS WORK HE DOES IT VOLLENTARELY
ANYWAYS, GOD DOESN'T GET PAID FOR DOING HIS WORK.<p>IF GOD MEANS A LOT TO YOU THEN U WILL ALLOW HIM TO DO HIS WORK ON YOUR BROTHERINLAW..<p>HERE IS MY EMAIL ADDRESS IF U HAVE ANY OTHER PROBLEMS OR U JUST WANT TO TALK
pwrofprayer@msmith.dhs.org
or
jenni@msmith.dhs.org
[img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Ok, here's my opinion of a less 'theological' perspective. <p>My son lived with and impregnated his girlfriend 3 years ago. #1-if the young lady did not want to have a child, there are plenty of things that she could have done to prevent it. #2-Although I believe in marriage and not having illegitimate children, etc...I don't think your bil should feel 'forced' into marriage with this lady. It will only make matters worse--he will come to resent her. This is what happened with my son and now he is stuck in an unhappy marriage with a 2 year old. The girl made her choice (both girls-my dil and your bil's girl)and nobody held a gun to her head.<p>I think you should MYOB in this case. I understand your convictions preclude this type of arrangement but you can only live your own life. Your bil will have to make his own choices and as he is grown, he is capable of doing so. AND if they do marry and it fails, he won't be able to say YOU pressured him into it.