After 1 month from when H told me of his affair which has ended, I ask how can I still love him so much after what he has done? Every day I hurt, I hurt from the questions that he answered, all the details,I thought they would of helped me heal, maybe understand what was missing in our marriage, now it just seems to haunt me every day. I`m skinny, she was chuncky, I wish I knew what she looked like. I don`t know what the attraction was. What did she have that I didn`t have, what did she give him that I didn`t? I tell him [when I love bust} that I hate her, that she should appoligize to me, they both hurt me. I tell him he riuned everything I was. I just can`t seem to move on. We can be great one minute an the next I bring things up again. I feel it makes him know what I`m thinking that he hurt me. He just wants to move on with us, but how the hell can I do this. We got into this past Friday he said he felt like going out,naturally I thought with who I can`t trust him so he throws it into my face he`s a pisoner now. What a jurk. I told him if ya felt like going out why did`nt you ask me , there was no reply. He never takes me out. Ilove him and hate what he did.

Torn Heart -<P>I'm sorry that you have to go through all of this pain and devastation.<P>We all know how you are feeling and will help you as much as we can.<P>Everything you feel is very natural and do not beat yourself up for doing so.<P>If your H really wants to get passed the affair then he has some work to do - you both do!! Start with the information on this site. Use it as a tool to work through this and to help you both understand what it is that each partner must do for themselves and each other.<P>I can tell you one thing - going out without you is not a good first step to getting past his actions!!<P>Bring him here and let him read!!! At least print out some of the info.<P>Good luck and we're here for you both.<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

My H said, "My company is paying for us to go to a resort for a weekend!" and my first thought was, "us who?". It did not even occur to me the meant me!<BR>Talk about destroyed trust.<BR>Well, that was a few months ago, and things have gotten somewhat better since then. They WOULD be a lot better, but he is still on contact with OW. Major stumbling block, i'll tell ya.<BR>The pain DOES start to fade. I get out a lot of my lovebusters here, and that has improved things a bit with H.<BR>I hope things get easier for you soon.