Hey everyone...I am new to the board.
My boyfriend and I have been living together for 3 years and together for 4 years. I feel as though we are married...but we are not. He has an extreme fear of marriage; that people change after marriage, etc. We are young...I just turned 23(yesterday) and he is 27. Things are going pretty well as is. However, every time the topic of marriage comes up, there is growing tension in the room. It really used to bother me because I always wanted to get married and have a family, etc. But from his point of view, we can still live together, have children later on, and live like married couples do..without the legal documents and the marriage agreement. My question is...is it possible to be happy together for years and years and not be married? I have come to accept the way that he is and just accept that marriage is not in the near immediate future for us.
Thanks everyone!
Spiders

I don't know. Maybe it is for some folks, but from the folks I've seen try it, it does not seem to work. Life has a lot of spots that are hard enough to work thru with both parties full commitments, and without that....<p>Your BF sounds a lot like my older brother (who did eventually change his mind at 43, married a 26 year old and settled down with kids, etc. after several "false starts"). Personally, I'd suggest that if you want a family and a lifelong commitment, move out, start dating other people, and find someone who wants the same. <p>Good luck--<p>Kathi

I would agree with Kam6318 that you move on and find someone else to have a life with. Your boyfriend has made it very clear to you that he has a marriage phobia. In addition, the fact that you previously cheated on him within this relationship makes it even more problematic whether he would ever wish to make a life time
committment to you in the first place. I have noticed with my friends that generally if after two years of living together that they have still not gotten married; then they normally eventually break up and find someone else to marry. Good Luck.

Hello Spiders. I have felt before the way you feel now. And after some awful experiences over the last few years, I am at a point in my life that I am fine AS IS.<p>Society says as women, that we are the "weird" ones if we aren't married with children by a certain age. WHO SAID THAT!? I'll be 32 next month and my mother is bugging me to death about getting married and having children.<p>My best friend emailed me the other day and said "How are you so patient?" (she's waiting on a ring from her bf). This is a lifelong commitment and it is not to be taken lightly. <p>While I am someone who at this point in my life am not concerned about getting married and having children (I am perfectly happy with my situation), the things your bf would concern me a little. If he is really afraid of commitment, he may really never commit. I believe that when people say they will not marry, they are telling the truth. I don't think people lie about that. So take what he says at face value. THEN decide if that's how you want to live your life. You can't second guess him... you can only take what he tells you. <p>Right now I am dating someone that I dated a few years ago... we dated for two years and we broke up for two years. The first time we dated I wanted so badly to be married and then have children. A lot of things happened and I have learned a lot about myself. We are working very hard at making this relationship work. I am FINE with the way things are. The only thing that I really want is to know that it's not out of the question. And I know that. And I know he wants to marry me one day. But right now I have other issues that are more important to me (my personal growth).<p>I don't know if I helped but it's my perspective.<p>Good luck!!!<p>Love,
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