Hi! It's been a while since I've been on. Since then, my husband (ex) has divorced me and married the woman he was having an affair with. We have been apart for 2 1/2 years. Last October I met a man who seems to adore me. The problem is, he is very insecure. He questions me, accuses me of being with another man when we are apart, i.e. working, etc. And, though he has never demonstrated any type of violence against me, he has a violent nature. Whenever we go out and a man looks at me, I have to talk him out of saying or doing something to the man. Now, you should know that I am very loyal to my boyfriend. I have never cheated in any way; I tell him everything, whether I've spoken to or had lunch with friends, etc. I always reassure him that I love him. He wants to marry me immediately and pouts when I tell him we should wait. Another bad "habit" he has is disappearing. In the last five months we've lived together, he has left me five times without warning and not always with good reason that I can see. He just disappears for two to four days. The reasons he gives me are because he "felt bad" about an argument we had, or "he needed time" after I made a retort to him, etc, etc. He swears he had never been unfaithful to me, that he is afraid of STD and has too much respect for himself and me to do that. He drinks rarely and I feel very comfortable that he is not a drug user. He is 41 years old, never been married, but has four grown children.<p>This week he returned (after many apologies and more promises never to abandon me again) after being gone for four nights. He had taken no clothes and returned looking like a transient, with borrowed clothes (from his friend, he claimed) and unshaven. After many hours of his begging me to marry him and me putting him off, he agreed to be patient. Wednesday, he made another accusation of me "communicating" with another man. I reassured him he was wrong and patiently asked him (again)to trust me and not accuse me; I reminded him I have NEVER given him any reason to suspect me of infidelity in any form. Yesterday morning, as I was on my way to work, he called me on my cell phone and asked where I was. I told him I was on my way to work and he asked if I was having breakfast with another man. At this point, I began to get frustrated and I answered no, that I was on my way to work. He asked, "Are you sure??". And I lost it. I told him I was sick and tired of his insecurity and accusations. I avoided his calls all day and by the end of the day I was furious. When we met at home in the evening I told him to pack up and leave, that I was tired of the relationship and wanted to live in peace. He cried and begged and made more promises that he would never leave or accuse me again. I told him I could no longer believe him; I had heard the promises from him before and he did not honor them.<p>Has anyone else experienced this type of behavior and what should I do?

Displaced;
Speaking as a man there is something wrong here. I know me and my GF have had a shakey start and still working things out but we never left town with out telling the other. But what he is doing is a real mystery and one must question his action as one that is either hiding something or is up to something. I suggest that you should really think here. This smells of trouble and what you a seeing could be just the tip of the iceburg. No man who is honest to his woman and loves her would not play Houdine very couple of weeks without a reason. I would take a step back and watch your back.You may not think he would harm you but he displays all the sign of a man who could be very possive and you could end up in a relationship that is not a marriage but a prision. My GF's sister has a husband who acts just like your BF does and it cost her several broken bones over a period of ten years.
Be afraid, be very afraid.
I can't tell you what to do but in all reality I would not stick around to see what happens next, but it's up to you<p>231

Stop what you're doing immediately, pack your bags and get the heck out of there!!!<p>---Be brave---you know what you have to do!

I agree with conflictedtexan TOTALLY!!!!!!!<p>231

Thank you so much for your prompt and candid replies. I have been receiving many messages from him saying he wants/needs to talk to me. I was beginning to falter slightly, very slightly. But then I checked this site to see if I had had any reply and your statements have made me stronger. I do love him, even though the love has diminished in the last three months or so. But I do not want to live with this type of relationship.<p>God bless you all and thank you for caring.

<small>[ January 26, 2005, 07:28 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

Displace, How are you this morning?<p>231

Hi, 231. I'm fine this morning, a little afraid of having to go on alone, but I've done it before, just wish I could find my soulmate. Don't we all? I managed to avoid his calls and he stopped trying at about 7 p.m. I haven't heard from him since. I'm dreading the time he has to come and pick up the rest of his things. As you can tell, I don't like confrontation at all. But after reading yours and the others' posts, I thought more clearly about the things he's been doing (that are apparent to me,anyway) and there is definitely something terriby wrong. I'm going to continue on this website on a regular basis. I really value the support. Though my friends mean well, I think they're too close to the situation.<p>Again, thank you so very much for caring.

Good morning Displace;
I understand the rollercoaster ride you are taking, believe me, I do. I have to make some decisions myself about GF and what to do next. If you read my threat callWhat do you think? You'll understand. She is going through almost the same thing about what she should do. I really what us to get off this ride and let everyone take it without us.
If you want I'll be your freind when you need one( its in my nature). Anyways where are you? Give me some background about yourself.I have read some of your stuff so I hope you'll read mine to see where I'm at. I do care about people so hang in there girl and someone will come. Just don't jump on the first guy you meet. GF did that after she left her abusive BF and ended up marrying a jerk in the end.
A work of advice GF did not take, if you get out, stay out, look forward and not back. STick to your guns and if need be be tough and no nosense about it. I told her she should toast his bacon and end it permantly. Make it stick with everyone. she didn't listen now she dug a real hole for herself.
231<p>[ May 19, 2002: Message edited by: 231 ]</p>

Displace;
I'm going out for a few hours so if you want to talk just post in and i'll get back to you. Me and my youngest daughter are going to the mall. WILL BE BACK<p>231

Hi, 231. I'm in Arizona. Where are you? Believe me, I don't intend to look back. I just want him to get his things so there will be no more reason for him to come around. <p>I'm going to read your thread, then I'm going to run some errands. I'll check in later today.

That a girl. You don't need to live like that. I'm in Ontario Canada. It should be around 75-80 degrees around here but it's only 50,nice warm summer day in Moscow. Please go ahead and read, You'll see that you don't corner the market on uphill battles.You are several hours behind me. Just take the time posted here and add an hour and you get my time.I'll keep checking in until you post.My other thread isHere's my storyunder the living before marriage section<p>231 [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ May 19, 2002: Message edited by: 231 ]</p>

Displaced;
Sorry that I didn't post you first but I have an on going debate with Stillwaiting.No offence to her but well you read and tell me. Anyways I read what you said about yourself.44 you say, well I'm 41 and still want a life while I still can. I just hope she gets off the pot and get some of that attidue she has and put it to use.You know what I plan and I hope that my version of Plan B will work or It's just me again. Arizona? I hope it is warmer there then here. If you wish we could talk via email. I won't give you mine cause it has my real name on it and I want to keep my name secret here. But thats up to you. I like making freinds and we could talk more freely without others hearing. Not to offend you other people, its just me.<p>231

Displaced;
Hey girl I'm going to bed. Give me a shout tomorrow. Just remember time difference. Keep in touch so I know you are alright.<p>231

There is obviously some deep psychological issues with this man. Please be careful! <p>It will not be simple for you to escape this relationship.<p>He sounds like an abusive man with stalking tendecies.