Over the weekend I found out my live-in fiancé had a one night stand in January. Our wedding is schedule in July this year. I don’t know what to do. He promise me that this was a one-night stand and I have no reason to believe otherwise. It came as a shock to me since we both have been looking forward to our wedding. I have dated him for 12 years and last year he proposed and I thought we are ready to start a family. However, when he told me he cheated on me I felt betrayed and hurt. I think I am in denial this is happening. We moved in 7 years ago and I always use that as our real commitment to each other and anything that has happened is in the past and I don’t bring it up that is all History.<p>However, when he told me I couldn’t believe he would hurt me and to do this during this special time in our lives hurts even more. We have an awesome relationship and everyone is jealous of it. I always get complements on how we have the perfect relationship and our bond is so strong and we are eachothers best-friends. I am confused, how could our bond be so strong if he did this? Why? When he drinks a lot he blanks out and many things have happened to him. One night I lost him and couldn’t find him and the next day he was in jail. He tells me the night he cheated was because he had drank a lot and blanked out the guys had ressure to take the stripper and that he put himself in a compromised situtation that he would never do again. He said that when he realized what he was doing he stopped and felt guilt and went home to me. I don’t know what to do since I know that many people cheat and is this just him getting it out of his system? However, he tells me he will not go out with the guys again and he will stop drinking and if he needs to go to AAA or counseling but as long as I don’t leave him. He tells me he will never let me go and that he will be there and stock me until I take him back. He said he has had thoughts of suicide and he felt so guilty he had to tell me before we make a commitment to each other. He also said this has helped him realize how much he love me and only wants to be with me and what a stupid mistake he made. He said he would understand if I stopped the wedding however he would always be a part of my life and would not let me start with anyone over. I told him that I want to forgive him because my heart tells me too however I don’t know if I can. I don't feel I could be without my bestfriend and our families are so in love with us that I know they will never forgive either of us. I need good advise and quick???

None of this sounds good at all. There are danger signals all over the map. He drinks, his friends support drinking and egg him on to get way too involved with some stripper, he will "never let you go" - things were at their best and he had a one night stand, and NOW he realizes how much he loves you?<p>You're on a downhill slope. <p>Why on earth would you marry a man who drinks and blacks out? Do you want to have this kind of event in the future? Why would you marry a man whose friends are sleazy enough to hire a stripper for your fiancee? What do you think, that he's going to start making friends with men with wholesome hobbies once you get home from the honeymoon?<p>Have you been tested for STD/s? <p>I'd completely back away from this man, move back home with my parents if he won't leave the house, and find support with Alanon for myself, and see whether he got involved with AA. He should do that whether or not you get married. What, he's going to be a drunk unless he has you? What appeals to you about that?

I understand what you mean. However, I feel that I should give it a chance since we have been together for a very long time (12) years and this is the first time. I think that I should give him credit for our history and the relationship we have. We both see marriage as a very important step in life and part of his confession was for that reason. You know that we have not argued about this, I didn’t want to approach it that way so we have talked about it like friends and cried together. I asked him for his advise last night as a friend and he said I should set some ground rules with consequences and once they are about to be broken I should call it to his attention immediately and that he never expected for me to give him an opportunity or to try to understand. He only drinks with his co-workers and he has realized that misery loves company. I know he has a problem with Alcohol every once in awhile and I have asked him to do the hardest thing of letting his father know and seek help from a pastor and let prayer and god help him through this time. He said that if this happens he feels he will want to be with God and if I am willing to begin going to church. I told him that as long as I knew he would change that I would and maybe this is God’s sign of calling him back.<p>I thank you sincerely for helping me, although I have not decided the outcome of my future I do take your advise seriously and will look into all the resources and take every word if advise. However, I want you to understand that I have spent most of our youth together and this is the first time I learn of this and even noticed a change in his behavior. He is the type of person who can't keep a secret from me. I think I should consider all those years of friendship, love and weight out the good things since there has only been a handfull of instances to weight my decision.<p>[ May 22, 2002: Message edited by: MirandaM ]</p>

Miranda, I am a recovering alcoholic, and an Active Christian wife, my husband thinks he is a christian, BUT I know otherwise. I am going to pray for you and your boyfriend, but let me point out a few observations I have made from your story.
1. God does not bless living together outside of marriage, ya have had alot of good years, but they were not God Given, but Satan Maintaining.
2. Satan does not want the two of you to do it God's way. He will try to prevent a blessed union; one-night-stands, drinking, single buddies.
3. As an recovering alcoholic, I am qualified to tell you this: He must stop drinking for himself and not just to win you back. It won't last once he is on the wagon if he does it for anyone but himself. He has to admit that alcohol has control over his life and it is becoming unmanageable. He may try "control drinking" but it wont last.
4. What you feed will grow. Do not hesitate to attend a church, I would recommend a non-denominational church. God can do for you and him what neither of you can do for yourself.
5. Couples are headed for trouble when one or the other associates with single friends.
6. Take it a day at a time, Go with him to an AA meeting, call around and find one. He will hear his story told there. He will be able to relate. He will make new non-drinking friends.<p>Feel free to email me anytime and let him know if he needs an on-line "AA Sponsor" I just a 'click' away. I will be happy to share with him what it was like, what happened, and what it is like now. I went into recovery in 1993. You will need to be prepared for changes that you may not understand, that is why there is Al-Anon, or me. Try praying, keep the prayer simple, ask God to come in and lift both of you up.<p>
3.