My husband of ten years told me this week that he did not love me anymore. When he looks at me he doesn't feel anything for me. He says that there is no one else. We have 2 small children that need and love him. I love him with all of my heart. I realize now that I allowed his love bank to become empty with my careless comments and actions. He says that we don't have anything in common anymore. He says that there is someone out there for me that can give me what I need. I have loved him for 15 years. No, I have not always been happy, but I have never stopped loving him. He wants us to seperate but for me not to hate him. I don't feel that I will survive this without closing off my love for him. I begged him to stay. The harder I hold on the harder he pushes away. I have no pride. He says that he can't stand to see me hurting. I have prayed for strength and wisedom. I just don't know what to do....Hold on or let go???

Rachel,

I suggest reading what the Farley's have written. Plan A/B has viable methods. Begging, threatening, nor hysteria will help right now. I dont know your whole situation but there is hope. You both have to work on yourselves as individuals and as a married couple. Maybe separation with a plan to rebuild the love you once shared would be best. Check with the Harley's. Get profressional help. Your husband sounds depressed. You both need to see that there can be happiness in your future together. It is hard but anything worth fighting for is.

you and your family will be in my prayers,

ayslyne ayslyne@yahoo.com

Rachel

I am going throught the same thing. My husband moved out today after holding this over my head for three years. He wants to be friends, in fact he wants to be my best friend but he can't be intimate with me. The crazy thing is this. As he was leaving I told him exactly how I felt. I flet that he had never given me a chance to work on the issues and it was like he used me until he no longer felt he needed me and then he threw me away. Then he said that he wanted to get together tomorrow for dinner. He asked me what kind of wine I liked so he could bring me a bottle. He never bought me wine before. I keep getting mixed signals from him. I love him very much and he claims he doesnot love me. He is looking for that one special person who will magically provide everything for him. He has said that since he can't give me what I need I should find someone else because I deserve better. I do know this you can't choose who you fall in love with. Love is a gift that should be freely given. I feel sometimes you have to let them go to get them back. If you don't beg and let him discover that the grass isn't greener then maybe he will be willing to work on your relationship. It is tough. Today was probably the hardest day of my life. We just started therapy and maybe that will help him deal with the issues that have blocked his emotions. I can't really offer more to you than I know exactly how you feel. You are not alone. I am praying that by following the advice given here I can rebuild my marriage. Give it a try, you really have nothing to loose and everything to gain

Pat

Rachel,
I understand it could be tough to go through what you are going through.
It is natural to try to cling to a departing spouse like a puppy dog (excuse the term). However, many people's experiences have shown that that approach rarely work, if ever. As you have realized also, the more you try to beg him to stay the further he moves away.
What you can do is to give him his space. Treat him well, keep the line of communication open, let him know how important he is to you and how much you value your relationship with him. However, *avoid pursuing him*. Begin working on yourself. Improve yourself and continue to be a good wife.
With time, he may turn around.