I'm new to this website, but I've read many encouraging suggestions to the various topics discussed on this forum so I thought I'd give this a try. I was previously married for 7 years. My marriage dissolved after 3 years because of my exhusband's continuous infidelity. The first time he cheated on me was when I was pregnant w/ our child. Anyway, I stayed in the marriage 4 years longer than I should have. I tried focus groups, marriage counseling, self help books...nothing seemed to work. I was finally convinced that the problem was not me, and I chose to end the marriage. I spent 1 year alone after we had separated "finding myself" only to find out that I was never lost. My divorce was finalized this past November. Last New Year I met a wonderful man. His job keeps him away a total of 6 months out of the year (21 days on, 21 days off). We had dated for 4 months when I confessed that I was in love with him. The next time he came home, he ended our relationship. When I asked if I had done something wrong, he said it was him and not me. He said that I had been perfect. He was never able to give me an answer. We were separated for about a week, when he came over one evening...in tears and confessed that he too had fallen in love w/ not only me, but my daughter as well and but was scared that he could have such strong feelings for someone so soon. Needless to say, we got back together and have now been living together for 6 months. I believe that our emotional bond has become stronger. We've never gotten into a major argument, because we're really good about communicating to each other what is bothering us. Now being a single mother, and coming from a family of 6 whose parents have been married for over 30 years, I hope to remarry soon and have another child. At the start of our relationship, I made him aware of my needs and wants, and he too said he wanted marriage and to have a child (eventually). After spending this time w/ him, I am certain that I could spend the rest of my life with him, just as I am certain he would make a wonderful father and loving husband. We will both be turning 29 this year, and I want to marry and have another child at least by the age of 32...that way by the time the child graduates, we'll be 50, and still be able to enjoy the rest of our lives. Also, my daughter and the child will be only 7 years apart. I'm a little concerned though that his views may have changed since we last discussed this topic. He recently made a comment to my cousin and her fiance that really hurt me. He said, "What's the point in marrying if you're already living together?" I don't know how to bring it up again without it sounding like an ultimatum. Does anyone have any suggestions? Am I wanting too much too soon? Are my wants and needs unrealistic? Also, I've read so many dicouraging statistics on living together before marriage. Can someone help? I'm really frustrated.

I think you just have to decide if it is right for you & your child to be living with him right now. I have heard that alot of men think the same way your BF does. I don't think your wants and needs are unrealistic but it sounds like there is a tinge of "desperation" coming from you. Maybe you should focus less on having the next baby by a "certain age" and focus more on when the time is right and everyone involved is ready. I lived w/ my BF 2 1/2 yrs before marriage. I think living together may have been one of the reasons he took so long to propose. It (living together) kind of doesn't really give them a good reason to get married if they are already playing the role. I would be more concerned about all your time apart. 1/2 the year seems a little too much. What will you do when you are married? The same thing? Won't you want him around more, especially if you have a new baby together? Just some things to think about. Good luck!

Thank you for your input Betrayed&Pregnant, and I appologize for the slow response. My BF was in town the last few weeks and we were quite busy catching up. I tried something a little different this time, and I got great results. Instead of focusing on trying to prove to him that I'd make a good wife, I focused on building a closer and stronger emotional bond. I have to say that not only does it seem to be working, but I'm feeling less insecure about our relationship. It's the insecurity that I concluded made me feel as if we had to take action NOW. I also think that is where the "desperation" came from. You have some really valid things for me to think about. Thanks again.