Well, I LB'ed big time on Friday and Saturday nights and I don't really care. W and I were to talk on Fridays to discuss me moving back to repeat the two-week experiment we had just completed. She just told me that she wasn't ready for a repeat performance. One thing led to another and I started venting about a lot of things. She was very upset when I left her that night.<P>On Saturday, I made a decision that I was going to move back to the house no matter what she wanted. I called her to let her know and said that I was moving back and she could move into the apartment. I also said that I would get my attorney to prepare the paper work(Divorce papers) that we could sign so that she would have her freedom. She then started to push things around to have more things to blame on me. She asked why I didn't want to be in the house with her. I told her that that wasn't the issue, what was the issue was that she didn't want me back in the house with her so this was her out....<P>Anyway, things got quite heated before cooling down a bit. We did go to a movie together on Sunday which we both enjoyed.<P>On Friday I brought up OM. She said "It always comes down to that doesn't it". I said that yes, because of what happened, it always would. She told me that I didn't understand why it happened. I replied that indeed I did understand and could take responsibility for my mistakes, but at the point she decided to have sex with OM, she was on her own with no excuses, that it was a conscious choice on her part of which I had no blame or responsibility. She didn't say anything, but it was obvious she doesn't agree.<P>On Sunday, I had had time to reflect on the OM issue and I told her that the main reason that OM was a recurring issue for me was that the affair(or relationship) was "ongoing and continuing". She actually had the nerve to ask me what I wanted her to do.<P>I feel like a puppet the way she jerks me around. I love this woman, but I am nearing the end of my rope. We have done everything the way she wanted for the last four months with absolutely no results one way or the other. <P>I just felt like ranting this morning. I'm getting to where I hate her and love her in equal portions.

Heartpain,<P>There is a thin line between love and hate, isn't there?<P>Perhaps, you and I are in the same boat!!<P>I think my H is wanting me to make the big move, so that (at least in his own head) I can be the bad guy......And you know what, I accept responsiblity for the mistakes I've made, AND for the good things I've helped to create in our marriage. I also understand his need to avoid being the bad guy. He has a need to be liked by everyone, and fears that if he is "labeled" the bad guy in this it'll compromise his "good guy image", but if I left him, and he could tell his friends and family that my problems caused the break up, it'll be okay.....twisted? I don't know, it's just a theory I'm working through.....<BR>Keep you head up!

So many betrayers seem to be unwilling to take responsibility for their own actions in general. My H told our son that he didn't want to "have had to have gotten a divorce". He told me that he married his first wife only because she refused to live with him unless they were - apparently the option of not living together never occurred to him. He "had" to marry her, and then of course he could blame it on her. Throughout our relationship, he has said that he "had" to make such and such a decision - like he had no control over it.

Nellie1 -<BR>That is the same position W takes. Even though she is being treated for clinical depression, she has been fairly withdrawn for several years and she has never been willing to discuss problems between us without telling me what I have done, the effect on her and even why I did it, all of our marital problems are my fault and she has always worked to overcome them. What rot!<P>Also, she has had a total of three major relationships(including me) since her late teens and she has now cheated on all three partners. But, everything is still my fault. I guess I am pretty omnipotent to have caused her unhappiness and affairs years before I ever knew her.<P>I keep confronting her with the idea that she actually wants the divorce and doesn't want to be the initiator, but she keeps vehemently denying it.<P>Last weekend, she was talking to her sister(much younger) and S told her that after four months of not being able to make up her mind, that she really should divorce. W said that she still loved me. S responded that maybe I was a "crutch" for W that she was willing to give up. W listened, but didn't respond.<P>As far as not taking responsibility in general, I have to agree with that.<P>Thanks for your comments.....

How's this for twisted? I'm in Plan B with H right now. He's staying in Hotel with OW while they try to figure it out. A couple of nights ago I found emails between the two of them that actually say H is trying to make it miserable enough for me so I make the decision to leave the relationship so he doesn't have to be the 'bad' guy. <P>How irresponsible can one get????