I recently had my live in girl friend (6 months) leave our relationship to return to her previous boyfriend of 2.5 years, then she married him one week later.

We met about 2 months after her relationship ended. She was living with her brother at the time. We dated for about 2 months then she moved in with me. Her boyfriend was relentless once he found out she was living with me. He called her constantly for the first month or so to coax her into going back to him. He has a lot of money and has made promises of marriage and paying off her debt if she returned. During this time I was unaware of his jesters and she did not discuss it with me. We did grow very attached to one another over the 4 months living together. We were together everyday and seemed to really be into one another. I asked her to marry me and she accepted. 2 weeks later she doenst come home one night and I called her to inquire of where she was, and she said she was going to stay with a friend. I was totally taken by what she started to tell me, of how she didnt know what she wanted anymore, and how she didnt think we were compatible. I was so hurt by what she was telling me. She picked up her things a day later and was moved into his house 2 days after leaving me. She said she felt more comfortable being with him, and felt she needed to know if he would change by giving him a chance. I was so in love with her we had shared some really deep feelings together we were constantly together doing an array of activities together and with our kids. She tells me she still loves me very much and misses me after being gone just over a month. She has told me that she would not like me to get involved with anyone in the event her boyfriend would not fulfill his promises. She said she knows it is wrong to ask that of me and it is extremely selfish on her part. I hate where I am at with all this, what she has asked of me, and the fact I am facing this issue. I invested my heart and passion for life with her and her children. She told me on more than one occasion that her boyfriend is one tenth the man that I am. She said if things should change between them she would call me. I know this behavior of hers is wrong, selfish, and inconsiderate of what we had. I have been told this is a rebound, she is confused, and yet I feel what we had shared was real and meant so much to me. Her boyfriend is an alcoholic, had cheated on her, and has been physical with her infront of her children. He has sworn to her he will and can change, he is 40 years old while she is 37. I know they do not have a what it takes to make a marriage work let alone a relationship of any sort. My first thought is she isnt worth waiting for knowing how she ended our relationship. She did tell me 2 months into our relationship she still loved him and I thought it would subside with time. I did not know he was in contact with her frequently. Will she infact call me when things go bad? When she says she misses me and loves me does she mean it? I have felt that I am glad I wasnt more vested, I also feel that backing away and letting her go back to investigate this is something that will bring closure for her or a new life with him. I know the right thing for me to do is to move on with my life and let what we had go. I have been told by friends that she will be calling me before long because their relationship is not built on a foundation of what 20, 30, or 40 year marriages are made of. Do I move on and not look back even she if contacts me? I sincerely love her and adore many things about her even in this time of confusion for her. I could use some advice. In advance thanks so much. FK

It's a rough situation. I think (and who knows if my opinion counts for anything!) that you are best without her. I think you know that. It's laced in your post. But what concerns me is the comment about your kids. I think for their sake- you should cut things dry now. She probably will call you and want you back- every time they fight- then go back with him. And, what will that do to the kids? It gets very confusing, at any age. And, you don't want them to end up feeling like she left because of them- or that this is in anyway their fault.
I wish you luck- and I'll pray for you.
Who knows if my advice is worth anything.
But, I hope it helps and you heed the advice of staying away from her, even if it makes your heart break.
Ani

Thank you Ani79 for you comments and advice. I agree I should break things now not just for my sake but to protect both her kids and well as mine from further confusion and pain. My kids understand to a degree what is going on since they are older. I have talked to them about the whole situation and we still talk. It is difficult to explain since she is the one that left for whatever reasons. I know this my kids adored her as hers did me. I felt we really connected, it seemed so right from my side. She does have some debt issues that I wasn't completely aware of. I just know that she had people calling her often about payment. I tend to think her boyfriends offer to clear up her debt was very tempting. Not that she really loves him in away to stay with him, but she would welcome the idea of getting her debts paid by him and then move on. It sounds very selfish and shallow on her part, I could see her doing this after hearing somethings about her past with other relationships. I guess I should see the writing on the wall and chock it up to lessoned learned and move on. Thanks again for your comments I appreciate it really.

FK

Living togeather is a psychological admition that there is little confidence in the relationship.

I believe that was very unintelligent... </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Living togeather is a psychological admition that there is little confidence in the relationship.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I had perfect confidence in my relationship before i moved in with my girlfriend. I simply enjoyed her company and why not have more of it? Anyhow, thats not the topic. I think for now, you should break it off, if you meet another person, so be it, then you will be happy. Do not drag yourself through the dirt over her. I do beleive that she does love you and wants to be with you, but perhaps this situation runs deeper than you know. Perhaps he threatened her that he would come and kill you if she didn't go back with him, he would give her money, pay for college for kids future etc. Its all about priorities. If she didn't care about you, she wouldn't talk to you, telling you all of those things. The only reason why that would happen in a negative way was if she was A: still sleeping with you, or B: using you for your money. She still cares, but things might be happening that you do not see. Even so, like i said do not drag yourself through the dirt over her. Its simply amazing how many people one person can connect with, and while she might seem as your perfect match, your heart compromises in love and you can easily find that perfect match once more. "nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them". Its time to move on and be happy. If in two years she is back with you because perhaps he OD'd and her bills are all paid off etc, so be it. Work it out from there. Good luck