In Sept'03, I confronted H of suspected affair. He broke down and confessed it all to me. It was short-term, but that doesn't make it any easier for me to accept. My H and myself are both 41, and have been married 23yrs. The affair was with a co-worker(who was fired when her boss learned of the situation-which was her confession as to why she was so upset that day), who just happens to be my 26yr old cousin, who is also married and has been for 7 years. She has never been accepted by most of my family, as she was the product of an affair my uncle had been involved in(which makes no difference, I just thought I would give a little more background). Our first names are the same, as she was named after me. Honestly, in my heart, I feel this was a personal attack against me. She was even quoted as saying "I just want to **** you, just to see what the perfect cousin has"
I know she pursued him for months, but that doesn't make it any easier. She was having trouble at home, you know, the true damsel in distress syndrome(or so I call it). It started as friendship, and she started asking him to meet her after work, she needed someone to talk to. My husband would tell me he was going to be late to talk to a friend after work, I had complete trust in him, and I refused to let my imagination run away with me. I was seriously in denial, until I smelled perfume on his clothes. I was angry and oh so HURT!
I told him I refuse to tolerate this, and I'm no fool, and that any love I felt for him, he had killed. Which of course is a lie. I do love him, but the hurt is so bad, I feel I can't even breathe sometimes.
My H ended the affair immediately. Her husband also knows of the affair. My H said he had wanted to end it several times, but was afraid she would contact me and I would leave him(poor excuse).
I don't know what to do, he says he is dedicated to saving our marriage. He also says he needs me or his life is meaningless. I, of course, feel that he should've thought of that before he had an affair. The trust is gone. I am trying to have some sort of a life, would love to save my marriage, but how can I overcome this?
Everything seemed to be going fine, we are both trying. I have some real issues, and he is putting forth effort, which is a good beginning to rebuilding our marriage. THEN, 5 days ago, the phone rang, it was her husband, requesting to talk to my H, who of course wasn't home. My H was at work at the time. We, Myself and OWH, spoke for maybe 2 minutes. OWH asked me how I was, and how my marriage was going, he said he knows it's as difficult for me as for himself. The problem came when I told my H that the OWH had called. My H got so angry, and that is when I found out that my H had called her from our home while the affair was going on. I feel violated all over again. Everytime something new comes to light, I feel like it's a fresh wound.
This OW continually phones my H job, telling other people there to give him messages, as he refuses to speak to her, he also refuses to return her calls. The OW wanted to continue the affair, which he of course told her is out of the question.
Now, here I am, wondering where he is every second of the day. Wondering if he is in contact with her in any way. The actual distrust that exists in my marriage now is tearing me apart.
Please someone tell me how to overcome this.
