My H has broken it off with his OW a few times. The first (Oct 98) I didn't know about, we started counseling, he moved home, but they kept in contact. They work in the same complex. The second time (Jan 99), he confessed the whole thing to me, we did the Harley letter. I don't know how long it was before he started calling her, my best guess from his behavior is 2-3 months, definitely by the end of April. It turned sexual again in July when she & her boyfriend broke up. Now he says he just doesn't want to talk to her at all. She won't call him because he hasn't called her--she's PO'ed. I like that. Don't believe it, but I WISH he never had to talk to her again.<P>I'd like to know who has used the letter or if a phone call or just not contacting anymore has ever worked.

Lor<BR>You know my situation. No phone call no letter. We have spent over 8 months letting this die a natural death. He says he honestly has no feelings left for her. I still want that letter telling her she isn't to contact him. Who knows where we are going from here?<BR>I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. And I'm very impressed at how far YOU have come. I've been wondering how it was going.

I just read through Pilot's wife survey and realized there may not be that many active posters who feel the affair is ended. I'd also be interested in unsuccessful endings (like the 2 we've had).<P>Thanks for replying WS!

Lor -<P>I assume you might want to hear from a betrayer as well?<P>My first affair ended when I called it off. My wife initially thought it ended much earlier. After I told her about it, she insisted we confront the OW and tell her that I was staying with my wife. We did that, but I ended up seeing the OW again after around 6 months. It went on for maybe another 6 months until I finally ended it because I couldn't take the guilt and lying and all that anymore.<P>My second affair ended mostly because the OW broke it off after my wife discovered it. I'm still going through withdrawal from that, but it's slowly getting better. We never tried to start it up again. We tried to be friends for awhile, but that didn't work for me, cuz it hurt too much. Besides, I still had to keep it a secret. Not a good foundation for any kind of friendship.<P>--andy<P>

Hi Lor,<P>My husband's affair from 20 years ago from his first marriage is the only information he will share with me - so I kinda don't have much to go on, ya know!<P>He claims his affair with Linda was a secret from everyone for a while - like 2 months. Then he let his entire family in on it, and they had family gatherings excluding his wife who was in the dark. She was PG at the time. Then about the time the baby was 2 years old, he left his wife and moved close to the OW. It died a natural death because his wife went into plan B, but decided to start dating others. He got nervous about losing his wife - and ran back to her. He continued seeing the OW, off and on. She moved on and remarried. <P>She still stays in contact with his family, and I bet my husband has maintained contact as well - years and years in between. <P>He claims it was a fantasy love that felt very real. And he claims he is gladder than "hell" that he never got with her, because he thinks she would have been a slut for a wife.....<P>Yuck, huh? I'm praying for your situation, it has to be one of the hardest situations I have found on this board. But I am thanking God for YOUR progress.<P>God Bless.

Lor:<P>Perhaps my story is an exception. W's affair ended the day I found out. No contact (except for a letter and some incidental stuff) since March 21 of this year.<P>Things have been, for the most part, like our first year of marriage again ever since. Hope that gives you some hope.<P>------------------<BR>/// Lone Star * ///<P><BR>

My short lived affair ended after the OM decided he was going to try and work it out with his wife. Not even 2 weeks after the affair started he told his wife and I told my husband. <P>Initially the OM wanted to continue the affair (as did I), but I didn't like lying and I loved the OM and didn't like sneaking around to talk to him. I didn't see the point of having an affair when I thought that the OM was the one I wanted to be with. <P>I convinced the OM to tell his wife and that there was not point in continuing an affair. I thought we should both end it with our spouses so that we could be together. The OM agreed initially until he told his wife. He felt horrible for what he did to her and decided to try and give her a chance.<P>Basically he had no contact with me...I continued to call him however. I'm now trying to get over him and work on my marriage.<P>The letter idea sounds good in theory...but I think the best way to end it is cold turkey. I think that by writing the OP a letter your giving them another reason to be involved with you. I would think if my OM wrote me a letter to end it that he really loved me and cared about me because he took the time to write it. I would also think that his wife had a major part in making him end all contact. It's hard to explain.

Common sense says end it by no contact.<P>I think Holly agrees?

Lor,<P>This Dr. Harley article addresses your question.<P>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5060_qa.html<BR>

Hi,<P>Tony's main affair with Peaches (a nick name of hers) just kind of faded away. He was suppose to have told her via email "I made a mistake and sorry for all the pain I caused everyone and we will not talk anymore" type letter. He did it and sent it but did not stop talking to her. I am still very angry that he told this woman where we moved to. She ended up moving near us. I have to this day no idea if he is still talking to her or not.<P>The second OW was a one night stand. All the others were internet affairs. Since he can no longer be on the internet with out me logging him on and I can be in the room and see all the exchanges I know he is not communicating with them. Well unless he used computers at school or at his families. I also know that his mother would even give him pre-paid phone cards which he probably used to talk to the OW.<P>I am guessing it is over but who knows for sure. I am sorry Lor I am sick and well down today. Hope this helps.