I just wanted to update Dr. Harley on my situation. My children are teenagers now and I have been divorced for almost 4 years. My ex-husband and I are surprisingly "friends".

I too had an affair our last year of marriage - Finding in another what I thought was missing from my own marriage. Someone who loved me for me and made me want to be the best that I could be making me feel that I deserved so much more out of life.
Wrong!!!

I now live with a wonderful man, (not the man that I had an affair with) who is not without his faults, but meets my needs in all of the areas I feel so threatened by.

I find it hard to sit here and be able to say that I can remember loving my ex-husband with every ounce in me. But do not feel any of that love now, even though we remain very close. He still wishes and tries to persuade me to give it another try. But, I have grown so much as a person, forced to learn how to survive in this world as a single mother. I feel I have grown so much as a person. Even though my ex wanted me to be more responsible, be more of my own person - he smothered my ability to do so.

Am I happier? I can't really say. I do care very much for the man I am sharing my life with now. Although, I don't know that I will ever be able to find/have that unconditional, total commitment love I had with my first marriage. Scared to even make that step again.

I tried to explain it to someone not long ago. We were talking about the time when a child finds out there is no Santa - How sad you feel when you realize the magic isn't real.
That magical belief that there is really a happily ever after kind of love out there - is hard for me to imagine. I can only pray.