I really hate him right now..

I have posted her before about how we have been together for 12 years living appart, and now are living together.

It's only been a month.

Today becuase I got on his case about going out to breakfast by himself he called me "menstral", "insane" and "crazy"

Well he got to see all three of those things as I threw the phone at him after asking him to stop calling me names, he didnt stop.

I wanted to punch him in the face!!

but once again I am the one that's wrong and he did nothing wrong..

*SCREAMS*

d

<small>[ November 28, 2004, 06:31 AM: Message edited by: baba2 ]</small>

Why did he want breakfast by himself? Was he upset?

So, if you hate him and you regret having moved in together, why are you still there?

Mudhen,

I don't know your situation, but the name calling is positively verbal abuse. Of course, you throwing the phone at him is also abuse <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

I'm in a similar situation. My Fiance' has just moved out after I set a very clear boundary; We seek counseling, or separate. He chose to separate.

I believe my Fiance' was verbally abusive. I suggest you read Particia Evans book on Verbally Abusive relationships. It helped me gain clarity.

Good luck!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">but once again I am the one that's wrong and he did nothing wrong.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are both wrong. You both committed love busters that are hurting your relationship. You both are using ineffective and detrimental methods of communication.

Arguing over right and wrong is subjective. Focus on how you can both respectfully meet one another's needs (whether or not you have those needs or think those needs are valid has nothing to do with anything). You are stuck in a dangerous cycle.
Someone asked why he would want to go to breakfast alone. Good question. Maybe you should have asked him that (without sarcasm and or being emotional). Maybe he needed to get away from the negativity in your household. If that is the case, then rather than getting angry at him, you should work toward giving him reason to want to have breakfast with you rather than justifying his decision to escape.
If I needed some time to myself and someone got on my case for it, the first thing I'd want is more time to myself!
He is his own person. Respect him as an individual with individual needs. When he does things that hurt, bother, or anger you, it is really in your best interest to discover why he did those things so that you can focus on the root of the problem rather than perpetuate the problem by answering with anger, pain, frustration, physical abuse, verbal abuse, etc.
I'm not saying he was right to call you names or right to do anything that is disrespectful to you, but right and wrong is secondary to what is in the best interest of you as individuals and as a couple. I'm making a few assumptions here, so my apologies if I'm off base, but in general don't focus on who is right and who is wrong, that's not what is important.

Best of luck,
Smile

Dear Mudhen,
the issue is not really moving in with him as much as finding a way to communicate with each other that is safe for both of you.

You need to apologize and go to sessions where you learn to communicate with each other.

You will need to learn this irrespective of whether you move out or find someone else

It was not my intent to sound like a know-it-all or like I was being smart or trying to blow you off.

Obviously, there are some respect and communication issues here.

But, what I really wanted to do was ask "What are you getting out of this relationship?" If it this bad, why are you enduring it - there must be some benefit, something you like, something familiar from your past. What are you finding here that is meeting your needs?

What is the lure?

Hate to say it but sounds like you are the one creating the problems here.

Learning to live together with someone - married or not is a HUGE adjustment. My girlfriend and I struggled BIG TIME when we first moved in together. At times it got so bad that she literally took swings at me. But that's all part of the process (not taking swings but the hardship that comes along with learning to live peacefully with each-other).

It's been 4 months or so now and we are slowly starting to get along better, know what to expect from each-other, we sleep sounder, we learn to give each other privacy and space.... but at first we didn't and everything blew up and we hated each-other. I hope you can come to the same point.

You also sound like you have anger problems. Wanting to thow the phone at him for wanting to have "alone time" is over-reacting. In those early times, things can be very stressful and hard. Sometimes it is good just to create a tiny bit of distance till both of you are rested and cooled off and then you can go for round 2 of trying to work on the relationship.