Bruce, all I know to say is that I hope it is a phase. She might burn her self out on teh computer. i do agree that her behavior is selfish. I've been in the same spot as you, but not because of the computer. My husband's top priority is cleaning. He won't give me a minute until the whole house is spotless and organized. (and of course that NEVER happens) It just plain sucks, no matter what their addiction is....

Dear Amy!
<p>Let me start with a sad joke: we had had sex twice a year, and he would say at that time he loved me.
<br>
<p>Well, we lived as roomamtes for years, and then I made an assumption that he loves me no longer and entered an affir. BY NO MEANS I SUGGEST THIS TO YOU -- I DRANK THE WHOLE CUP. But it appeatred the assumption was wrong -- feeling he could lose me, he "woke up".
<p>Well, very soon I had the same experience of not being loved any more, said aloud.
<p>I know what it is.
<p>All I can say -- only because there is so much to say I simply can't fit it into one reply -- don't despair. There is a lot of wisdom in a saying that "A thought said aloud is a lie" -- the words nearly always give different meaning to what is behind them. What is worse is that having said something, we tend to start believing in words and acting upon them.
<p>I know how difficult it is cooking the dinner and providing all verbal and non-verbal proof of your love. This doesn't work IF you have any hesitation that this will be accepted and IF you are too desperate to achieve your goal.
<p>Don't get disappointed -- I learned this through a very hard experience, much worse than yours. And I got to understanding of this after distansing myself from my husband and the situation. See, what is behind your every act right now -- and he feel this constantly -- is your desperate attempt to get his love back. You are FORCING him to love you -- imagine if this is done on you. Can you respond to such a push with love and desire? Release the pressure, create some emptyness: now the space is filled with your attempts and emotions, with your drive "I want you!" -- you leave no room for freedom. Ease on it. I don't suggest you to make a U-turn, to start an affair or to become hostile. Ease the tension inside yourself -- this is the first thing to do. What you need to achieve is the setting where you SUGGEST and remain comfortable if this is not accepted. You can even suggest less -- everybody gets used to what he has, any deprivation will create need, and starting working to satisfy the need he will have to think about your needs. When you bring him to thinking about what to do for you, you create his interest in you. And this is a way for deeping the realtionship: when interest meets the grounds for actions, and the actions are met with gratitude and true joy, this is a reward, which makes one a hero in his own eyes -- and this is what each of us needs: proof of our necessity.
<p>You can express some need for help -- not in a needy way, but so that he would like to help you. This should be, of course, not house chores, but some creative work where he will be at his best.
<p>And what is very important -- get a life of your own, so that he knows that he is not the only value in your life. I know all your possible arguements -- been there myself -- but consider this: would you be interested in a person who has no other interests but you? Especially after you've shown him you love and attachment to him -- imagine, you cut on it. The first reaction will be the question -- Am I no longer attractive? Did you notice that even when someone who we don't care about at all suddenly stops expressing his pestering attention, we get surprised and want to claim our place. At this stage you should be ready to present your new self -- the result of your work with your own development -- so that you are not only a true mate of many years, but also a wonderful and interesting person he never new. In fact, all you need is to have him open his eyes and look in your direction -- but there should be something really exciting by that time.
<p>If there is a way of seeing him less often -- getting your own activities, sport, hobbies, back-to-school, attending seminars, seeing a therapist -- to arrange your schedule so that you are not always available -- this will help. You'll kill three birds: benfit from your own development, create some distance between you two to get rid of old sterotypes and allow room for new impressions, and create some mystery around you, provoking interest.
<p>... And finally -- don't trust what he says. He is definitely tired and stressed, and this doesn't allow him to correctly assess his feelings.
<p>And learn NLP techniques -- it works, and you can do magic with it.
<p>If you want, write me to
<br>M145I@theglobe.com
<p>Good luck!

OH MAN!!!! I would swear this was my story if I didn't know better. My husband decided that he loved me, but wasn't "in love" with me anymore. We are now divorced. I don't know your husband, but he sounds very much like my ex. I do have to warn you about one thing.....there MAY be someone else. I know you are thinking NO WAY. I thought the same thing; it took me many months to find out the truth. He is now married to her.
<p>IF he is fooling around, he more than likely won't tell you the truth. Another thing, if he won't get the right attitude, nothing you say or do will work. HE has to WANT it to work. I found that out the hard way. We too went to counseling briefly,and the therapist told me that he thought my ex was also suffering from depression. He also told me that there was nothing that anyone could do about it until he was willing to ACKNOWLEDGE it. My ex hurt his back on the job, had not slept for weeks, and was in a horrible mood. His mind was not in the right place, but you couldn't convince him of that.
<p>I say start working on yourself, so if this doesn't all turn out okay, you will be more in balance. I was just devastated....couldn't find the focus. I have posted my story in the infidelity forum, so I won't go into it here. Let's just say, there was another woman (a co-worker); we both made mistakes; he left me and recently married her.
<p>I too thought he was my best friend, the ultimate human being. We knew each other for 15 years, married for 8. He has just married a woman who is 30 years old, twice divorced. He thinks she is the love of his life. I laugh.
<p>I hope and pray things will turn out good for you. write me anytime at rmockmt@netdoor.com.
<p>rhonda

Amy
<br>I don't mean to upset you, but your situation sounds so similar to mine and I am now at the beginning stages of a divorce.
<p>About 9 months ago, my husband told me that he didn't love me anymore. We went to counselling (well, actually individual therapy) for about 4 months when he decided that was enough and filed for divorce. He seemed to be in a big hurry. I had suspicions of someone else, but he constantly denied it. He would say that we had no insurmountable problems in the marriage, just that he no longer loved me and knew that he never could again. (I oflten wonder how you know that without even trying!)
<p>To make a long story short, over the past few months, I have found the evidence which proves that there is someone else and that someone else is exactly who I thought! It's a co-worker (actually it's his subordinate!) I have found cards written by him (before he sent them) to her professing his undying love. He had the nerve to insist that she was just his friend, the only one he could talk about all of this to!!! Then I found the cards from her to him. He still insists that there is nothing going on, they're just friends!!! He will lie or say whatever it takes to protect her and this relationship. I think that they are both in denial about what they are doing, hence his big rush. I think that they are trying to convince themselves that the end of our marriage and their relationship are two separate issues. I don't think that it's just a coincindence that the girl he is in love with is the one that I had a gut feeling about all along!!!
<p>Anyway, sorry I got rambling, but I think you should open your eyes and ears and really trust your instincts. You are probably not wrong.
<p>Good luck and let us know what is happening.