Last night my husband and I were having a conversation. I questioned him regarding his current cell phones bills, being that we had a hughe blowup last month when I discovered that he had been calling several of his x girlfriends. see Possible Infidelity lier/lier) To make along story short his final comment to was and I quote "while I will consider how you feel about this if I feel like I want to contact or sleep with my x's I will. In my mind this just confirms that he has and will again whenever he desires. I told him that from this moment forward we are only married in name only. I will not put up with this kind of behavior. We have been dealing with these issues for over 2 years now and I can see why nothing has changed because his attitude is like it is. I haven't been sexually satisfied in a long time nevertheless I have remained faithful to him and continued to be a good wife to him even though his has been messing around with his x girfriends which he denies on a regular basis. I don;t understand what motivates a person to be so selfish. Why marry if one believes that they are the most important person in the world. How could my husband feel this way, he has no reverance for the institution of marriage. I am interested in other opinions, but I am planning to move out and move on I deserve mmuch better than a selfish man who can't give of himself.
<p>Whats your take ??

Suzie,
<p>Are you able to sit down and talk with him and have him really hear what it is you are saying? Whether or not you should give up is something only you can decide and when the time comes I believe you will know. It does sound like he is not meeting your needs and you need to make sure that he understands that his is not meeting them. But if my guess is correct he will be hostile and make sure you know that you are not meeting his so if you do confront him make sure you are strong enough to take what he says back. I would advise you to get some counseling for yourself and for both of you if you can get him to agree to it. If he won't then you should for sure go for yourself. It may help you to see things as they really are. They could be better and they could be worse. Good Luck!
<br>Steph

Steph,
<br>Thank you for your wise advise. Your guess is very accurate about him responding with hostility. That is how he responded when I asked him to stay off the computer when Im home. He says its no different than me reading a book.
<br>I had surgery to remove a lump in my breast
<br>a few years ago and he didnt take off work
<br>to go with me, I had to have my sister go.
<br>Even though I woke up at night prior to the surgery worried and confided my fears in him.
<br>It turned out fine. But over the years there
<br>has been so many selfish acts by him. I dont
<br>know if it is possible to change him.
<br>I know for an absolute fact he will not go to counseling. I have a hard time considering it myself. I prefer to be anonymous. I know that may sound silly, but I rarely have shared any problems I have had with him because I feel like Im betraying him.
<br>sadly,
<br>suzie

Suzie,
<p>I have so much to say to you but don't have the time right now. I'm leaving on vacation but will post you when I get back. Hang in there and know that someone cares. Even if you are being anonymous.
<br>Steph

We have been married for 18 years. Raised two sons (hers) - I adopted both, and they are mine, and I am proud of them. Both married, and both in a position where husband and wife work together.
<br>My Beautiful Princess developed Menopause late - it was only two years ago that she stopped menstruating (56 now), and we went through the 'dry vagina, and lubricants bit', but sex seemed to be a real turn on in spite.
<br>Last year she packed the house and took off interstate, for three months, but we came back together, and things seemed to flow and begin to gel.
<br>I know that I have areas of problem with showing Emotion and Affection, and until I read the article on 'Why women leave their husbands', had no idea about neglect or rejection feelings that she may be having.
<br>We seemed to be going along at an amiable pace, when I got an inflamed nerve in my back - great agony, and it was starting to come good after two months, when she just packed her (our) car, left me a note on the ans. machine, and left for interstate again.
<br>She says it is all over, will not read any material on W.H. that I sent over, and will not even begin to speak with me - just goes into recriminations and talks about how I have slighted her and run rough shod over her - I just read that article on 'Control' and --whoops--, but I wonder whether there may not also be a hormonal imbalance - she was having the flushes and sweats etc, which may exacerbate the conditions that we had between us.
<br>I love her and need to be with her so much - it is like a physical ache in my heart and this is not just grief - that is how I felt when I first got together with her 19 years ago.. and want to get back together, and would appreciate any feedback on howto.
<br>Grovel - I am totally prepared to do so, and have written a letter every two days, accepting that it is my fault that she felt isolated and rejected, and am asking her to meet with me, so that I can seek her forgiveness for this, and just begin to let healing start between us.
<br>Anyone out there --please help.