Well GBM, I think you came real close to describing how I feel about my husband. I don't feel like I'm in love with him, I have not had any affairs and am not considering one. Sometimes I feel like perhaps we should divorce, sometimes I feel like why divorce? is the alternative better? He doesn't talk or share his feelings so I have no real idea of what he feels. We went thru all the marital motions up until a week ago - there was a "conflict", I had an angry outburst and its been cordial at best since then. It troubles me that I feel so emotionally withdrawn from him. Many times I think that if we were in better financial circumstances or if we did not have an eight year old, we would probably not be together. I can't even bring myself to share my feelings with him anymore and so the charade continues day after day.

I feel what you are feelings, but it has been since April that my husband said those same words. And he has been out one month, he still comes over almost everyday, and we get along great. But we avoid any issues about us. He will not go to counseling, you have at least that going for you. And i would recommend the "Four Gifts of Love" first and you shoul both read this. My husband won't do any of this, but he did read something i got of the internet about His Midlife Crisis. And he said it hit the nail on the head. I am just giving him the space to be alone, and i can't say that i did'nt need it either. And from reading what i have, yes a marriage can be rebuilt and have that love again, but it takes two. I had to reply, my Mother is from England. She was born in Ipswich and so was my older Brother and Sister. Anyway i hope for the best for you and myself. Hang in there it will get better emotionally. MB

Well Iam going thru the same thing, she wants her space and wants me to stop being so dependent on her. I'll admit i was.
<br> She does not have a job so I told her when she gets one and I decide that she becomes finacially secure i will go.
<br> We have 2 children.
<br> So i have been thinking How can i be a Dad when Iam not here? I have decided iam not leaving the kids need me to walk thru the door everyday.
<br> We are going to counseling so Iam bringing this subject the next time we go.
<br> I want it controlled it could get nasty.
<p>Thanks for listening
<br>Jim

gbm,
<br> one thing l would like to add is that perhaps you can tell your H that you do confide in people online to help gain perspective to your feelings. l have told my H l did this and he does understand. He might not like the fact that so many people know of his affair,but he has never said so and to be honest l don't think he is in the position to and knows that. The way l look at it is no matter how guilty l do feel for my part in creating the atmosphere for an affair,he IS the one who did it,and therefore must accept the consenquences. l do think he is truly greatful for the friendships l have made online and the support l have gotten.l think he knows deep inside they will only help me to become stronger and in turn help us whether we remain married or not.

gbm,
<br> this is great news!!!! We had somewhat of a good night last night to,maybe it was the alignment of the planets!LOL! l know how those roller coaster butterfly feelings can be though! all l can say is hang tough and enjoy this new lease. Maybe someday you 2 can get away to a marriage weekend somewhere as l heard they do wonders in helping people reconnect!!!!

Ken/GBM
<p>Altho I am the spouse being left behind I think I will print out your post and hand it to my husband as he leaves tommorow. Your last line was the one that got me because I was having the same thoughts last nite. So I have decided since he has made the choice to find himself I was going to be calm, and give him his space. You see I beleive as I have experienced death of both my parents that the last words you say to a person as they walk out the door will carry forever. None of us knows when our time is up.....learn to cherish it....make right what is wrong....and have a clear conciense (sp?) I know I do, and will have no regrets if the most unfortunate should happen.
<p>As for each of us the instruments of our own happiness....without a doubt. If you are able to share that happiness with someone else that's the best. I have been married for 21 years and all my problems started 4 months ago. I cannot understand his ability to wipe a slate clean of all that happened prior. At one point even told me that he must have been unhappy for the past 20 years and just didn't know it. I know where that came from, because he has to justify what he has done and continually hurt/blame me but I would not accept that. We had a child, bought a house, enjoyed vacations and watching that very child grow to a beautiful young later and I will not have those memories degrades for his selfishness.
<p>Kathy