John,
<br> I dont know how long, for me its been 13 months, all I can say is read her books ask her about the program and show an intrest in what she wants. Like the doc says your in no position to bargin.
<br>JKelly,
<br>As for the order I put my relationships in, it was not in order of importance and dont feel I have to explain any more on that. The term higher power is used for people with different oppinions on who they pray to some Budda or ali what ever. even the group it self for an agnostic, AA has known that just trying to quit by your self is very hard and allmost allways ends in failure. As far as I'm concerned Jesus Christ is my higher power and thru him found AA and a more respectfull way of life. My problem was I dident like myself because of how I was when drinking because during that time my priororties had drinking at the top of the list on too many days. Thru God and AA my thinking has changed very much and the reason I said #1 myself is because I was the #1 problem. Hope you now understand. God and my family mean more than anything to me but without AA I would never found that out.
<br>Ken

Ken,
<p>I read your post three times last nite and finally printed it out. I put it in my husbands suitcase and can only hope he reads it.....I hope you don't mind??!!
<p>Kathy

After 21 years of marriage my husband has left our home tonite to move to a friends and have his space to find himself. He told me he was going to do it and I agreed to let him. Last time he did this about three weeks ago I completely lost it. Emotionally you could have scraped me up. But tonite I am very calm. I do not want to give up on my marriage and have left the door open to reconciliation. I know we all go thru different emotions at different stages, but I thought that I would feel something. Has anyone else been trhu this.
<p>Kathy

Nat,
<br>You sound exactly like my wife acts. She said she notices and appreciates my changes but it seems to have no real effect on how she acts towards me.
<br>This is very hard to take. I told her that those feelings can be restored over time but she can't see how. She doesn't seem to want to even try.
<br>Everything I read says that the feelings will come when a decision is made to act the right ways and both parties, especially the husband, make it a priority to meet the other's needs. Getting my wife to see that however, seems like a lost cause right now.

Bruce,
<br>I feel great for you. But, remember to roller coaster returns the other way. Don't get disheartened. You seem to be moving in the right direction.
<br>Today I am quite down. Couldn't sleep last night, so I am quite tired this morning. I called my wife to let her know I wanted some talk time tonight. I just need to air out my feelings. I don't thinking she will say anything. I think she needs a rest from all the talking this past week.

I feel like I have the same problem and would like some advice. My husband and I have been married for 14 years. We have one child together and I have two that live with us from a previous marriage. I can't count the YEARS it has been since we have made love. He was critically ill 6 yrs. ago and is still on medicine that could be affecting his performance. The thing is though we have not had sex he has still found pleasure in porn magazines that he keeps hidden that I know about and has even rented videos and has satisfied his needs. I am overweight but now so is he. I am angry even with myself because even if I lose weight I don't feel like I could make love to him after all he has put me through with not satisfying my needs. My anger is starting to come out in other parts of my life and I don't like that. I don't want to ruin the kids lives by leaving but I don't know what I can do. I will NOT have an affair. Should I leave?

All,
<br>There are a number of posts where one mate says I love you but I'm not in love with you. The more I read this the angrier I get.
<br>I'm sorry but I've mulled this one over for a long time, and the more I think about it the more I'm convinced it's just anotther one of those bs designations that people use to justify behavior that has it's roots a little deeper than they are prepared to think about.
<br>I hate such designations because when it's used so much everybody just accepts it as an accurate description and I feel that therein lies a danger because I think it's truly bogus.
<br>If a man tells his wife he loves her but sleeps with another woman then he is a liar, because love is not just something you feel, it is manifested in concrete actions. You may still feel something for the spouse you committed adultery against but you don't love them, not in the true sense of the word.
<br>In this same vein I think that saying you love someone but aren't in love with them is one of those false labels that allows one think they've described something when they really haven't.
<br>Just my thoughts.