Steph,
<p>You deserve it. You've been pretty supportive of people here.

Bruce,
<br>I can't tell you how how much I feel for you and your situation! I think Kens has given you some good advice - take it slow and steady and try not to push to hard! However, that is a hard thing to do! I felt the exact same way you did regarding listening to my wife! When our crisis was at its worse - we would be discussing things and I felt like nothing I said mattered to her! She would say things to me and I would get all emotional and the conversation usually deteriorated from there. I soon learned, or came to peace with the fact I might lose my wife. I realized if she wanted to end it I couldn't do anything about it! All I could do, was stick by her, listen to her, support her, show her I loved her etc. This realization allowed me to remain calm when we had one our discussions. I think it is so important to demonstrate this quality. By doing so, your wife can feel more open in discussing her most inner feelings. She won't feel she has to hide them! She will know she can say anything to you and you will listen objectively. It sounds like you have taken the first step.
<p>I am so happy for you! I agree with you -- enjoy the moment! You never can be sure when things will turn for the worse. One of the things I learned is - live in the present! Love in the past is over --- love in the future is hope --- Loving now is the goal! We must cherish every moment we have with our loved ones- we never know what the future will bring!
<p>I am happy to report - my wife and I are doing well. We seem to have turned the proverbial corner! I am being reserved, yet optimistic about our situation. At this point, I feel great! My wife has told me she loves me - numerous times! Better than that, I know she sees how much I love her. Not by my words, but by my actions! It is very strange how a week and a half ago, I thought we were in serious trouble- now things are much better!
<p>
<br> Everyone, please do not give up hope! I am living proof a change can take place! Please keep me in your good thoughts - for continued success! You are always in my thoughts and prayers! I appreciate all of you very much!!
<p>Ken W.

Julie,
<br> I have to agree with the two previous post. Like Bill's situation I would have a big problem with my wife going to the gym. Just be honest and let the other person know that your spouse means more to you than they do, in a nice way. Explain why you cant talk any more, if they call you tell them that you have allready explained the situation. Stay away 100% and good luck with your husband.
<br> Ken

Bruce and Ken,
<br>Guys, through all the last few posts we have had, mostly all positive, I do not see that any of us have heard the words that this thread is about. I think that my wife has not yet moved toward that. And seeing the way things are going, it may be a while, if at all. I do get the "I Love You too" after I tell her. But, I can tell by her actions is not the love I am looking for.
<br>Earlier in the thread, several posts discussed LOVE and affairs. How can one love someone and still hurt them (affair on not). Perhaps they internalize that they MUST not love this person, because they hurt them. I know, for a while, my wife actually tried to convince me to go find someone who will make me happy. That I deserve it.
<br>It still surfaces every so often, and is very difficult to hear.
<br>Even though my therapist says that its more important to have open conversation, than "I Love You's" or intimicey, I still want/need the other two desperately.
<br>I wish you all well on your daily ride.

GBM,
<br>This board has helped me if in no other way than a place to vent. But I can also say that seeing the sameness of the pain in all the varying situations made me know that I was not some uniquely stupid idiot that screwed up in a way no one else hardly does. I saw that I fell into a very common mistake. While that didn't lessen the pain it did take a certain edge out of it, because I think it would feel much worse to know that very few people did the dumb things I did.
<br>Also, I have to say that there is some good advice to be found here as well as encouragment. So, yes, I'd say this board has helped me.

Bruce----I'm so glad you are having a better time. I am also cautious of this ride and I know the detours and dips it can take. It'd be neat to know if our involvement on this board has somehow prompted our relationships to soar. Best wishes.