My wife and I have been separated since March. She decided that she wants a divorce, and has the papers ready to file. But lately she keeps "needing" me for this or that...help her fix her computer, borrow money, etc. Nothing loving or intimate, but it seems she is determined to hang on to me in some way. Is it because she's not really ready to let go completely? We have spent a lot of time together with the kids, but no "couple" time. I feel like the door is still open somehow, but don't know how to get her to walk thru it. Its my nature to be very loving...and I still love her deeply. But I feel like I am being taken advantage of but I don't want to close the door either. I want to tell her that if she is divorcing me she doesn't get all these benefits of being my wife. But I don't want to push her away. Is this a sign or am I just fooling myself??
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John,
<br>Well, I don't know what else I can say. I've never had any addiction problems even though I did do some drugs in my teen years.
<br>While I'm glad your wife got clean I agree that there is something wrong with an individual or group that counsels separation from a family unless that family is doing them harm, which dosn't seem to be the case with you.
<br>If I were in your position I think I might try learning as much as I could about this group. Have there been any defectors from it or others who have made the criticism you make? See if you can find out just why your wife has made this drastic step. If you can understand it from the root you might be able to find a way to counteract it. That doesn't necessarily mean a frontal attack but it means you could use the knowledge to tailor your behavior in ways that will appeal to her.
<br>I don't know, John, I'm just brainstorming here and wishing I could hit on something that might help. I can't help thinking that your case has been experienced by someone else. That's almost always true. If you can find out any info along those lines then I would think it would be helpful.
<br>Just throwing this stuff out. Good intentions from another guy holding on to the life raft. Take care.

Lyssa,
<br>I believe, and I have posted this B4, that a lot of people in relationships are just plain ignorant when it comes to knowing how to react and interact in their relationships. Your BF may be suffering from this and not be cheating. If we are never 'taught' how to interact and/or meet our SO's needs, then we are condemned to just live our lives the way we know best. In other words, 'faking it'.
<p>My opinion, you need to soul search and make a decision if this man is the one. If you come up with a yes, then sit his butt down and explain the facts of life to him. Stand your ground, make him learn, show him this site. You do have that right.
<br>If he also wants you for the rest of your life then he will need to start meeting your needs. If he doesn't or is unwilling, then there is probabaly no reason for you to stick around. One or both of you will end up in an affair and that will destroy both your lives and your family if there is one.

Bruce,
<br>Thank you for your input, and I've tried asking her if she would like me to go to meetings with her, but she refuses. I know quite a lot about the 12 step program, but maybe not enough to be able to relate to her. But I have learned one thing from this forum and that is that I'm not the only one suffering.
<br>At this point I'm concentrating on being the person she once loved, but clean. Making sure that I don't force the issue. I told her the other night while we were talking that I've accepted the fact that she has to do this for her, but I will never stop loving her, maybe I shouldn't send her messages like that, but if I can't be truthful then there is no point. While I'm on the subject of us talking, we rarely talk about this situation, casual conversation yes, but when I try to get her to talk she will listen to me, silently, then very often she gets angry, and it's not too long before she runs away. So I try not to do that either,because I cherish every minute I can have with her.
<br>Well enough of all that. Thanks again Bruce.
<br>Peace to everyone.
<p>John

Hey Angela!
<br>I know what you mean about grammatical errors making you cringe!
<br>You should gently let your boyfriend know that he's made an error, and correct him whenever it happens. You definitely should NOT keep it bottled up inside you... or else it will whittle away at those Love Units Dr. Harley has been talking about.
<br>It's one of those annoying little things that your boyfriend most likely isn't even aware of and he probably has no idea that it's driving you up the wall.
<p><p>[This message has been edited by Anise.]

My Wife and I have been married for over 18 years now, and I have been faithful to her throughout everything we've gone through. My problem is her weight- she is over 300 lbs at 5'6" tall. I have lost all sexual desire for her, and it is getting tougher every day to remain faithful. She has started many weight-loss programs, only to quit within a month. Please don't call me shallow for feeling this way- I have stood by her for 18 years. PLEASE HELP!!!

oh terri,my heart goes out to her and her family!!!! l so understand how you feel about bad things happening to good people. She will be in my prayers.........