Hello everyone,
<p>I've posted here before, but haven't replied for some time. I've been working on my problems with my marriage(see previous posts). Just a few observations. My hat goes off to those that still want to save their marriage after having an affair. To me that is the most devestating thing a spouse can do to the other. What ever happened to vows, (promises if you will)? Whatever happened to commitment? I'm not sure I could ever recover from that.
<br>As far as men and women dealing with things differently, I couldn't have said it better. My wife won't talk about our problems. She won't see a counselor with me. She didn't want to tell our children that we were having problems, but I insisted that she take responsibility for doing what she is doing. I have accepted my part of our problems, and tried very hard to change them and to make ammends. But I will not relive them over and over. We had a wonderful marriage for 23+ years, then she became involved in a 12 step program and the woman I fell in love disappeared. In her place was an automaton, brainwashed into believing that she couldn't live with someone she used drugs with, (we've been clean for 3 1/2 years), and that she is the only person that matters, and that she has to do whatever it takes for her to be clean, including leaving her marriage, her family unit, or her children, which she did.
<br>We see each other everyday, and she insists that she doesn't want a divorce and that she isn't interested in anyone else. So I continue to be patient, and long for the day when we can rebuild our lives. She won't be intimate with me, but when she is depressed or upset, she comes to me for comfort in the form of hugs and kisses, but won't allow herself to go any further. I, too am at a loss as what I should do, and for how long. As a man, I have needs, but I seem to only desire my wife. We had a terrific sex life our whole marriage.
<br>Whew..... Enough of all that.
<p>I'm not sure if any of this helps anyone, but I try. If anyone has any advice for me I would accept it gratefully.
<p>In Friendship,
<p>John

Look the only thing I can tell you is I was use to wearing a sze three all my life after being marreid fro 10 years I gained weight and got up to 197 ppounds from 110. I tryied everything to lose weight and nothing helped till I relised I was doing it for the wrong reasons all becccause my husband wanted it. I was very unhappy in my marriage because i new he was discusted with the way I looked. Well I got rid of him for cheating on me just because of my wieght adn then I lost it all IM now back down to a size 5 at 125 ounds and married to a wonderful man. ONly to find out that I had a thyroid problem I take meds everyday now but my life is so much better and the weifgth is gone. Dont stay on your wife about lsing the weight takl to her and tell her you are ocnerned because you love her and you dont want her to dye from ebing over weight. Have her go see a doctor she may have thyriod if so the meds will help and amke a big diffrence in her life as well as your realtionship. If you push her onthe weight issue you will find your self with out the person you really love.

You didn't say why they are separated, but I guess all I can comment on are things I gather from your post. How can your relationship be strong enough for marriage if he has only been separated 4 months? Were you seeing each other while he was married? If so, do you think he won't do the same to you someday? If not, 4 months is not enough time to get to know someone well enough to make the commitment marriage entails. And it is also not enough time for him to get over the feelings he obviously still has for her. Is it wrong for you to feel betrayed? Yes and no. Do they have children together? If so, she will be a part of his life for a long time, possibly forever. Can you deal with that? If she still loves him why isn't he willing to give her a chance? This is not to try and beat you down...these are just things that I see from your post. If it were me I wouldn't marry someone under these circumstances because marriage needs a solid foundation, and this doesn't sound like one. I just don't want it to come back and haunt you, because it will hurt more later than it does now...believe me! God bless.
<br> Ryan