KS,
<p> Yes, I do find my wife to be very attractive, I always have. She's not a model or anything, but neither am I.
<p>I guess I could equate it to someone who is hungry and can't get any food. Even though you can supress your hunger pangs, every time you see food, it reminds you how hungry you are. It actually hurts! It's not as if you can just "go to a different restaurant or something! (Guess that's why they call it a "sexual appetite".) I had no reason to believe that the women I saw would satisfy me sexually, but who knows why we think what we think. I do know that is a devestating hurt though. The though that you will NEVER enjoy the things you want is as bad a feeling as I care to imagine.
<p>As for men supressing their "wandering eyes" I don't know. We certainly can hurt our wives by doing it, even though that is not our intent. Men are easily stimulated by visual means.
<p>How would a man feel if he has provided a comfortable, even nice, home for his wife and family, and then his wife say a picture of a really elegant house or furniture in a magazine? Couldn't he think "Don't I do enough for her?" or "I work my butt off to give us this fine house and she wants all that fancy stuff?" It's possible!
<p>
<br>Has your husband given you a good (not just "because") answer why he looks at porn or eyes other women? Have you told him how his actions make you feel?
<p>Hope you work it out to your satisfaction!
<br>Val<p>[This message has been edited by V.]

From the "How Come?" department:
<p>If a wife's #1 need is for affection, should she expect her husband to show her affection every day? Several times a day? Of course! And a smart husband would make those 'love bank deposits' whenever possible. If he doesn't, she will naturally feel deprived, and eventually resentful. If it continues, she'll want to seek affection from other sources--some ethical, some not.
<p>Well, what about a man's #1 need--sexual fulfillment? Should he expect his wife to fulfill this need, every day? If not, WHY not?
<p>I bring this up because, in reading these forums, it seems that if a husband desires sex every day, and becomes resentful if denied, he is usually villified as some kind of sex maniac. Whereas an similar desire/response of a wife in regards to her #1 need is expected, and even encouraged! And if a husband's #1 need is so strong that he needs a daily sexual release, and his wife can't/won't meet that need, he is going to be especially frustrated, because he has no ETHICAL alternatives. ...Well, maybe one poor substitute, but even THAT is frowned upon.
<p>And no, I don't pressure my wife every day for sex. I've long since learned the futility of that. (Sex every 3 months would be a nice improvement, though.)
<p>Ooops, sorry. A little bitterness showed through there, I think.
<br>- Doug
<br>