Carol & Steph,
<br> Right now my wife and I are are pretty friendly and like I said her mom told me she wanted to start over as friends. We are nice to each other and do things for each other just to be nice. I cant ask her to councling right now because she's not ready and that would be pushing her. She has told me many times to stop pushing her because it makes her want to run. She has also told me to let her make the decision if she wants to try over. Doc H says it takes between 6 months and two years for her to change her mind. It seems so long, she's only been in her apartment for a month and I have no idea how long it will take for the newness to wear off right now she's all excited and likes it or so it seems. Is there hope? I guess theres allways hope if you belive in God. I guess I have to trust him to fix it and get out of his way and leave her alone. I was once told that when making a tuff decision to imagin that God was standing over your shoulder watching what would you do. So it was easy to know what he would say and that is dont sign and have faith in him that things will work out if its his will for divorce then she will have to do it. She can divorce me with out my consent after 2 years so I have 11 months for things to change. Thanks for replying.
<br>Ken

If her spending time with another man bothers you, it bothers you. Pretending that it doesn't bother you won't work, because it's just a lie. I think you need to be able to honestly tell your wife how her choices affect you.
<p>If she is calling you derogatory names like "neanderthal" just because you are honestly expressing your feelings, she is not being very respectful of you. I would consider such language abusive.
<p>If you follow Dr. Harley's advice, however, you can't demand that she stop seeing her friends. And you can't start calling her names in revenge. Just bite the bullet and accept that she doesn't care about hurting you right now.
<p>Eventually she will make a choice to leave you or to stay and work on the marriage. You have no control over her choices, all you can do is try to be a decent person. If she chooses to stay and work on the marriage, then she may be more receptive to your needs. Until then I'm afraid you're out of luck. My sympathies are with you.
<p>Or you can make a choice to quit working on a relationship with someone who doesn't care about your pain, but it doesn't sound like you are willing to make that choice just yet.
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