Hi, I'm 27 and have been married for 5 years. My husband is 38. About 2 1/2 years ago we separated, I left, for 3 months. We had numerous problems. But now that I think about it they were all completely intertwined. When I moved back in, he was wonderful, I was happy. It felt like when we first met. We had our bad days too, but things were relatively good. About a year ago things got bad again. The arguing, belittling and selfishness started again, on both our parts. We are now legally separated and have been for 5 months. Don't get me wrong, there was definately happiness and numerous good times. 3 weeks ago he hit a deer with his truck and it wasn't drivable. So he asked me to drive him to the bowling alley for his Friday night league. I agreed, subconsciously I knew it would give us the chance to talk. We did. And we cried and we hugged. He ended up not bowling and we sat by the river for over 3 hours that night. He had no idea that I was willing to work things out. By this time we both had gotten involved with other people, nothing serious, but involved nonetheless. The past week we have talked more than we ever have. We have gone out to dinner twice and spent many hours cuddling and crying and laughing. He has recently stopped drinking. I have supportive, saying good job and such, but not lecturing or justifying his actions. I miss him so much. We slept together the other night for the first time in months. It was so loving and sweet. I loved waking up next to him and he to me. We have both made commitments to ourselves and each other to change and get rid of bad habits. I guess what I'm looking for is a little encouragement and some ideas on how to keep going. Thanks a bunch! :-)

We have been married now for four months now, although we have lived together for four years. Our
<br>relationship is wonderful as long as there is not any conflict. I can't seem to communicate in a way
<br>that he understands me when we have a disagreement or a misunderstanding. I always feel, because of
<br>his actions and tone of voice at these times, that I am in the wrong. Where, the way I see it is neither
<br>one of us were in the wrong...I was just in the dark and didn't know what he had planned. What can I
<br>do? I've tried talking, but that just leads to silence and more anger from him and more frustration
<br>from me. And when I get angry I tend to cry easy, I slam doors...I never hit. I thought about writing,
<br>but don't know if that would convey my true feelings either. I need suggestions ASAP.
<br>

Bruce,
<br>I don't have much time to reply but I'll get back here next week and see how things are going. Bill has a very good point and I was one to try that short motel get away a few weeks ago. I don't think it helped in my situation and a longer seperation may be coming in the near future. I think I made the mistake of not giving it enough time (1-2 weeks). I stayed out for three nights alone to get away from what felt like immense pressure. Everyone's situation is different but I hope a shorter seperation as what Bill described will help you and your wife.<p>[This message has been edited by boxmover.]

Thanks Chris for the words of encouragement. It gives me hope when I see that I'm getting support from across the sea.
<p>Juli :-)

Bruce,
<br>Sounds like you really know what you're talking about. I really appreciate the kind words. I hope everything goes well for you. Thank you very, very much.
<p>Juli :-)