Nat,
<br>Our situations are so similar. My wife hid her unhappiness for close to 2 years. Unfortunalely, stresses in her life caused her to completely unravel this year.
<br>She has said the same things to me, that you wrote to your husband. It took her over two months to get just that out. Our communication is awful too.
<br>It was painful hearing her say those things.(not in love)
<br>But, for the past two weeks, she, like you, has decided to make the decision to try to find happiness in our home, with me and the kids. We talk, perhaps once or twice a week. We almost avoid it because of the hurt that comes out of it. But, we both know that this is the only way to reconciliation.
<br>Thank you for being so open with us. It helps hearing from the other side.
<br>My best wishes to you and your H.
<br>To all,
<br>I just confided in a close friend. He told me he was at this stage himself two years ago. He was ready to leave and start a new life. One year after therapy, he is still home, married, and very happy. Hearing that gives me some hope. He knows my wife, and keeps telling me that she will come out the other side, better than before. Different, but better.
<br>I hope all is well with everyone

This thread is a great source of comfort. I am in a similar situation except that it is my husband who has fallen out of love with me. When he first told me, I thought it was so hopeless, how do you overcome a problem like that?
<br>We have now started to go to counselling, and he has started to sound more positive. However, I am scared that I am reading too much into some of the things which he says. Some of the things he says do give me hope. For example we were discussing the counselling, and I said something like 'there'd be no point in doing the counselling if we thought we were going to fail' and he agreed with me. Also, I am moving out to a rented apartment, and he says things like 'its only temporary'.
<br>Thanks for listening
<br>Bev
<p>

I hope I come out the other side a better person too Bruce; right now I'm just concerned about getting to the other side. It seems such a long way from A to B. It's scarry looking into the future, so I just worry about the day to day. I read about communication, the love bank, and all those other theoryes; they sound great and I can relate to all that stuff, but it's another thing to actually follow though with them. I'm really thankful that my husband is strong enough and patient enough to wait for me to figure out what I'm looking for and what I feel. He too is in the dark about the outcome of this situation. Bev and Bruce please be patient and give your spouses time and space to figure things out. I know your other halves haven't made life easy for you guys, it is a very confusing time, but if it all works out, I'm sure our marriages will be that much better and stronger. Don't give up on us yet.

Steph, Thanks so much for posting your goood weekend. It has given me hope. I know that I have also held back. I will try to stop thinking of the disappointments. Best wishes.

Steph,
<br>Thanks for the words of encouragement. It brought tears to me eyes. I feel so happy for you. It gives all of us hope!
<p>Nat,
<br>I am going to introduce my wife to this site. I think she would love to talk with you. She has many of the same feelings you have.
<p>I had a good night last night! My wife came home and she felt like talking. In fact we even, took a bath together. We talked for a few hours. It was nice because we talked but we didn't get mad or upset. We just aired our views on things. I love her so much - I love talking with her. I just hope she can find her way back into my life. I tell her we have to take one day at a time.
<p>I have to learn to keep more on an even keel. I have to remember not to read to much into the good or bad nights. I am encouraged because I feel she really wants to try. However, I don't know if she feels problems like this can be resolved.
<p>
<br>Good Luck to all.

Nat,
<br>It's great to hear from someone on the other side of our situations. My wife has expressed the same exact feelings as you. Our communication is great, the best it has ever been. We get along like best friends. No passion, no "hands on" affection, but we do treat each other in a very loving way. She too was awakened to her feelings for me because of the way she found herself starting to feel for an old friend, turning to him innitialy to talk about her resentments towards me. Counseling addressed the resentments and eliminated them and since then our relationship has flourished in every aspect but one. The loss of passion for me. I know it is very difficult for my wife to be around me at times because I am a very affectionate person, always wanting to hug or kiss or hold hands, etc.. She says she just doesn't feel it right now. I'm trying to understand that a person can fall out of love. With this understanding I've tried to lessen my affectionate ways to a minimum so as not to pressure her to return it. But it is so difficult to hold back my feelings.
<br>What do I do? What is the best way to go through this? Continue to show affection and be hurt when it isn't received with an open heart? Or be a different person and go against my feelings of affection and allow her to come to me, which could be a very long time.
<br>Any input you have is regarded as gold to me and I'm sure to alot of people on yhis thread.
<br>Thank you for joining and I hope things get better for you.
<p>Take care
<br>Greg

It's really great to talk to guys on the other side as well. It gives me a greater perspective to what my husband is going through; since the communication lines are opening slowly but not in full swing. Greg, my husband is extremely affectionate as well. I found the more affectionate he got the more I found myself pulling away. He has backed off quite a bit and I don't find that I am running the other way because I feel smothered. I simple kiss on the forhead when he gets home or a hug here and there; I find I'm starting to appreciate those things more and more. We went out to a dance last weekend, and instead of standing on the other side of the room I found myself beside him with my arm around him. So from my perspective I'm looking for some breathing room, I can no longer fake feelings I just don't have right now, and I find those situation very uncomfortable. His hand on my knee in the car, or just rubbing my shoulders before I go to bed are things I can handle right now, and make me feel closer to him. I don't think that falling back into love is an over night thing, and I find if he is smothering me with love I just withdraw from him. I'm sure this is really hard on you Greg, as it is for my husband. I don't know why so many of us are going through this. I seem to keep asking that question. Maybe we should have a thread for all the wives who have fallen out of love with our husband to see if we can figure out what has happened and if their is any way of salvaging what we have.
<br>Bye for Now.

Steph,
<br> Below is something you posted to some other fella's
<br>here. Do you have any idea how long it takes for those
<br>barriers to come down? I have been seperated for a little
<br>over a year and it took 11 months for her just to be friends
<br>and she admitted she has been self centered and does not
<br>like it. Is that a form of letting her gaurd down. She
<br>just mover from the home to an apartment a few weeks ago and
<br>told me it was something she had to do. She also took our 2
<br>sons with her and I'm in the house alone after buying her
<br>out of the house. She has been friendly for the last month
<br>and has told me that she respected me after finding out how
<br>hard it was to leave the house. She even bought me a little
<br>gift for no reason. Do you from a womans point of view
<br>think she's starting to lower her defences? Hope you can
<br>help. Ken
<p>I'm not going to talk for all women but I do agree with GBM
<br>that women do become guarded with their emotions. I think
<br>as is with my H that once I have told him the problem he
<br>just thinks that things will get back to normal. The
<br>problem is that I am now very emotionally guarded.
<br>

Steph,
<br>That advice is excellent. Smothering is the exact word my W uses with me. She has a hard time expressing any emotions to me now. Until I read your post, I could not understand how anyone could refuse affectionate gestures. I have stopped closing each phone call with the "I Love You" and have tried not to smother her too much. I can see she tries to be affectionate for my sake. But I also see that she is uncomfortable with it.
<br>Thanks

Like Greg I am very affectionate. When my wife walks into the room sometimes I want to hug her.
<br>We had a pretty good weekend but Monday's usually bring on the grind again with a minimum of affection. Sunday night my wife came and sat on the couch with me. She had on a pair of white short pajama bottoms that looked so great on her. I naturally wanted to cuddle, but felt that the force field was up.
<br>The next day...here's what is bad about all this. When I get deprived of affection it builds up steam inside. When my wife came home from work the next day she just walked by as she came in the house. I am now magnifying everything in my mind where it seems I'm being deprived of normal affectionate interaction, like at hug or a "Hi Honey" at day's end.
<br>I flat out tell her that I cannot bear to go through another week without some affection. I'm sorry but I can't do it, not while I'm in the same house with her every day. I told her that I'm not trying to start any arguments or cause trouble. But I simply must have some affection.
<br>I expected her to put up the shields, as has happened so often in the past. Instead she told me that after she came back from jogging that we could spend the evening together if I made sure the kids were in bed. Do you have to wonder whether or not they went to bed on time?
<br>I really appreciated that from her. It just made me want to reciprocate and be as co-operative as I can be.

I wonder if my husband feels the same way you guys do. As I said earlier, he is very affectionate, so there is no wonder that he is craving for some attention - it's only normal (then what's my problem?). I don't want to cause friction between us by not returning the feelings, but I can no longer fake emotions that are not there. It's the strangest thing, I know I love him, and care about him; I've just "lost that loving feeling"! Doesn't someone out there have a magic potion to fix this???

Nat,
<br>I'd buy Gallons!!
<br>Its strange, when I read your posts, it's as if my wife is writing them. She has also said that she can no longer fake the feelings. She would only do what she feels as right to herself. It is hard to show less when you truely love someone especially when you know that the person you would die for doesn't feel the same.
<br>Beleive me, I don't hold anything against my wife for the way she feels, I try to understand but I won't give up until she tells me its over for good. I pray that day never comes.
<br>Thanks,
<br>Greg

Lets start a new thread.<p>[This message has been edited by Greg.]