My wife went and got the papers to start our divorce yesterday. She wants it over and done with asap and says there is no way she will change her mind. What could I say? I told her that I don't want it and that I don't believe in divorce. I have seen its affects on children (we have two girls ages 5 & 1), on people emotionally and financially, and for the most part it has never solved anything, just created more problems. I told her that it takes 60 days for anything to start happening, and during that time I will not be around except for the kids. if during that time ANY part of her feels it might be a mistake, she needs to call me and that I am willing to work it out. I was just wondering, has anyone seen a change of heart after the papers were filed? I am praying that once she does it she will see how final it really is and stop it. I am prepared to move on, but I would much rather keep my marriage and family intact. If you are a Christian please pray for my family. Thanks.
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Ryan, no, I've never been served with papers. As always I wish there was something significant I could say to help you. The best I can do right now is to refer you to a web site. Click on the "links" at the bottom of the Marriage Builder's home page. Scroll down to "relationships" and click on the relationship survival guide. This couple truly went through the mill with affairs and the whole nine yards. He was totally convinced that he needed to divorce his wife. Yet he didn't, and now they have this web site to help others.
<br>Maybe you can print some of it out and get your wife to read it. I know this is a paltry offering but it's the best I can do right now. And, yes, I will be praying for you and your family. Take care and hold on.

Ryan,
<p>My prayers are with you. I don't know what to say. I just think until it is final there is always hope. Hang in there.
<br>Steph

Ryan,
<p>I've been through the ringer this spring and summer. My wife filed for divorce in May. This after months of an affair, moving out, saying she wanted to work things out and continuing the affair around our 3 children and families. It was such a traumitic mess. All the lies. I hadn't met my wife's needs and we'd grown apart. It was a time of intense soul searching and spiritual renewal. All the daily thoughts and emotions, the guessing. Growing closer to family, being humbled yet strengthened and doing things I never thought I could. I knew I loved my wife all along and told her so at every oppourtunity even though it blew up in my face many times. I prepared myself legally to get custody of my children and do what ever it took to protect them as best I could. I never gave up hope but started focusing on strenghtening myself and my children. We grew very close during this time. Be firm in your convitions. I knew whatever happend that I could live with the way I carried myself - with character, integrity and dignity. The other piece of trash sure didn't have it. Our Preliminary hearing was scheduled for late June and my wife called to postpone it and wanted to see if things were worth working out. She'd seen the changes I'd made and the strength I'd found. I was skeptical and had my lawyer prepared to drop a bomb at the hearing. We talked and started doing things together. She was still seeing the trash even when she moved back in. Things were great for awhile and went backwards through August. Finally in September (our anniversary) she committed totally to me and our family. I truly believe this will last our lives together. The things I learned from this site were invaluable. My sister is getting married this Saturday. We are all in the wedding. My wife has put forth a great effort to rebuild ties with family and those things she held dear before the affair. Especially her relationship with God. I've never been hurt or suffered so much as I did last summer. I've never been as uplifted and loved as I am now. I am not over seeing the images, feeling anger and insecurity. But it is getting better. I constantly want to tear the head off the piece of trash that helped to create the situation (It does take two) and pay him back for the hurt he's caused me and my family. Things are going really well but it does take time. If you told me things were going to turn out this way a few months ago I would've seriously doubted that but I was striving for that goal all the time. Let her make those legal moves but don't sit back and be passive no matter what she tells you. Patience is the key although very hard. Take care of yourself and the kids. Good Luck