I am in my early 20's and have been married for less than a year. Because of the message limit, I'll get right to the poing of why I am posting. I no longer feel that I am in love with my wife any more. I feel emotionally void of any positive feelings towards her. I don't have any desire to be intimate with her in any way any more. I don't like to kiss her, "snuggle", make out, fondle, make love (in any way) any more. I am no longer physically attracted to her in any way, but to the contrary, am turned off sexually by her. I think that right now if we were just boyfriend and girlfriend, I would be out the door. But because of her family, my Catholic faith, and my lack of courage, I am still around. We have talked about this, I told her all the things previously mentioned here and we agreed to work towards making each other happy. It was fine for about a week, but things are even worse now. We haven't gone to marriage counseling as a couple yet, but I intend on going myself first to see if I can't work through this. I wish every day that I never married her, and see my life as being 100 times better without her. I can no longer see anything positive about our relationship. I feel really horrible about the way I feel towards her because it isn't her fault. Am I alone here? Has anyone else experienced these things themselves. I need some serious help.

Paul,
<br>Why did you get married to her?

Why did I marry her? I don't know. We were engaged for over two years. When I asked her I was enfatuated and high in love. But everything has seemed to go downhill from there. Everything happened so quickly, and I didn't have any second thoughts until recently. The original post is what I go through on a daily basis. This morning, I was a mess. Right now, I am content. Tomorrow, who knows. What I guess I am asking is, do people who are married ever second guess their love for their spouse, like I do right now. Are there falling out periods where your feelings toward your partner aren't what they used to be. And if so, how should I go about correcting my situation. I would like nothing more in this world right now than to love my wife, enjoy coming home to her, enjoy making love to her, and being the happiest guy I know. The question is, how did I get here (so I can avoid doing it again), and how do I get "there"?

Of all the counselors my wife and i have seen, one message has been constant throughout...do not let your feelings determine your actions! Act loving, do loving things, and the feelings follow the actions. I can attest that when you don't act first, the feelings don't return because my wife has never really tried to be loving since our separation. And now we are divorcing. If you believe in God and desire to follow His word, it is only right that you do not divorce. God will bless you if you obey Him, and will rebuke you if you do not. You mentioned infatuation...that is an excellent point that most people have a struggle with. Infatuation is not love...the real love begins when infatuation dies off. You must work at it. Try to see your wife in a positive light. Do not compare her to other women, especially physically, but see her as a gift to you that you should cherish. All of us have shortcomings, but there had to be a reason you were infatuated with her in the first place...find and focus on those reasons. I pray for all couples who are going through this. Divorce never solves anything unless there is abuse, adultery, or some other extreme circumstance. Remember, love is a choice, not a feeling thats just there. I am sorry if I sound stearn, but not having a partner who IS willing to stick by my side, it is hard for me to imagine someone who does turning away from them. God bless.

Carol,
<br> I'm not sure if that post was for or against what I said...I think what you said is correct. I am thankful that none of those things has caused what has happened to my marriage and I have admitted and (with God's help) corrected the things that I did. I was obsessed with capital gain instead of enriching my home with love. Once He showed me that it doesn't matter what I have but who I am, I did a 180. My wife sees it as too late, but I feel that if she gave me the chance she'd see I am sincere. I will stand for my marriage until the final hour. I love my wife and my children far too much to do any less, even though it is extremely painful. We attended a wedding together tonight. It may well be the last thing we ever did as a couple, but I think God had a purpose for it...she and i both were able to hear once again the vows we made, and saw a couple who we both love dearly start a new life together. She tried to hide it but I know she was moved. God can do anything, the problem is that most of us fail to ask Him. Don't wait!

Paul, in my 20 years of marriage there have been times when I haven't felt much love for my wife. Right now with the problems we are going through I have even felt hatred toward her. But I know I love her regardless.
<br>I think that is one of the mature qualities that marriage bestows, the knowledge that love is so much more than a feeling. Probably none of us here have the money of Hollywood stars, but look how a very few of them ever discover that truth, as their multiple and short marriages testify.

Bruce, that was beautiful.
<p>Paul, you haven't really said much about what has caused you to stop feeling love. If it is truly just changing emotions on your part, I would guess that you will experience this with any relationship, any job, any friendship, etc. If you are simply a moody person, then only you can learn to manage your moods. No relationship will change you.
<p>On the other hand, if your wife has stopped doing the things that satisfy your emotional needs, then you need to articulate that to yourself and to her. Or if she is doing and saying things that destroy love (which has been my problem in relationships)then both of you would benefit by understanding what Dr. Harley calls "Love Busters."
<p>There is plenty of good advice on this website to help you. And plenty of support from the people who post on this forum. I hope you can work it out with your wife.
<p>Best wishes. -Parizade

I have been learning about the difference between true love and infatuation. I have developed an infatuation for a very close friend of mine. It wasn't until this happened that I realized that I am lacking that in my marriage. I rarely get the urge to hold my husband let alone anything else. It wasn't until I found myself in another man's arms that I realized how seriously bad my marriage has gotten. I was married very young, to a very controlling man who emotionally hurt my often. He has changed drastically in the past 5 yrs, and we have built a very close "partnership"/"friendship", but not a true husband/wife relationship. I dom't know if it's because I carry all the resentment from years ago, but for the sake of our 6 month old son we are going to try to start over, see if we can get intimacy back in our relationship. Don't give up yet Paul, it sounds that you to are carrying around a lot of resentment for your wife. Communication is a truely amazing thing. Something we have never done, but we are talking now. Just being open for the first time about our feelings has drawn us a bit closer already. I think that true love is being best friends, building a life together etc. and the infatuation, although is amazing, there is no guarantees that it will last either. I have decided to take it day by day and see what heppens, but go back to the basics. To what draws us together. What makes us such good friends, and I'm hoping the rest will fall into place. Hang in there and talk about it. I was so close to walking out the door last week, but now I find myself sitting here looking for solutions. My son plays a big role in it too. I have been told by many long time married couples that it's possible to get the love back. I figure all you can do is try, then you can at least you say you did. The sun will come up tomorrow!

This has actually proven to be a very good forum for me. It is good because it is a sounding board for my own feelings, it gives me a chance to really listen to myself, as well as all of you who are replying. It's amazing how that affected me. I actually feel better about things now than in a long time. I still have thoughts of divorce from time to time, but much less frequently. The last few days have been great. I've decided to start "dating" once a month with my wife. It gives me something to look forward to and lets her know that still care, plus everytime is a surprise, and that's always fun. Our situation is very difficult, and will always get harder. I feel comforted in knowing that I can always use this forum to help me out when I need it. I am still learning here, I guess I had no idea that marriage would be so tough!