I would like respones from everyone,however I would really like to hear from the men on this issue. My husband and I have been married for a little over a year. We been together for about 3 years. The problem is he does not please me sexually. I don;t think he is being pleased either. He once made a comment that (excuse me i don't mean to be vulgar) i was to large for him. meaning my private area. I havent been with a lot of men however I have beenm with enough to know that perhaps it is not me who is to big but perhaps he is to small. Please help me to understand what this means. I am to beleive that I will never please him sexually. Could this be the reason he only rolls over to have sex one or twice a week? I must say it hasn't always been this way. When we first started dating he pretty much pleased me and it seemed as if he was being pleased. As time went on things got worse. Now when we are intimate I know ahead of time that the only person who will climax is him. He is only good for one time. I have never had any complaints before infact quite the contrary. I have a complex sorta at this point. In the back of my mind I beleive that this is a cover up and that he is sleeping around with other women. I have asked him if enjoys wex with me and he indicates that he does, However during our intimacy time he is as quiet as a mouse, never changes his breathing pattern or anything before you know it's over. I have never had a sex life that wasn't pleasing. I guess what I really want to know is can it be physically possible for me to be to large and if so what do I do. I must say that he is the smallest man that I have ever been with. I;m a little confused.
<br>please share your thouhts and again I apologize if I've been vulgar I was only trying to get my point across. can't wait for your response. thanks

Arlett,
<br>I have been married for almost 4 years and I am in somewhat the reverse situation in that I am a man that is not sexually satisfied. My situation is a little different in that the lack of sex is the biggest problem. I have a post further down on this forum that you might want to read. Now in your situation I find it hard to believe that the problem is physical size of either of your organs. My wife did not initially have orgasms the first couple of times, but she was trying to hard and then I was not spending as much time stimulating her as necessary. My first thought is that your husband may be masturbating and therefore losing his interest in sex or he is not being stimulated. I would suggest trying to find out what arouses him (my wife can really arouse me with her touch or by how she dresses or what she says). I would also suggest that I have found the real joy of having sex involves having a great relationship with your spouse. If there is something you are your husband are not happy about the sex life will probably not be good either. Ultimately if you can sit down and talk about it by asking questions like, "How do you feel about our sex life?" I know this is easier to suggest than it is to do. Have you tried adding some variety to your sex life? If you have any ideas for me after you read my post below let me know. I hope the above helps you.
<br>Dave

Miya:
<p>Thanks for responding. I'm sorry to hear that you are being treated that way. As far as I know, my husband quit looking at these magazines. But like I said, "as far as I know." Part of me does not want to know because it does hurt. It hurts my heart. I know how you feel; however, I have to agree with Bruce. Your husband is being extremely insensitive! True, men do (most men, Bruce) like to "look," but I believe out of respect for their wives, they need to be a little more discreet. How different men and women are. Wouldn't it be wonderful if each sex could truly understand that there is a difference and one can not force the other to have the same needs and same wants as he/she does. I feel awful for you. You know what? There is NOTHING wrong with you! Read Bruce's replies to me. Actually, all of the replies I have received gave me insight. Please try not to take his habit as meaning you are not attractive, or you are not good enough for him. He is being selfish. Like the other guys told me, pornography is a temporary fix (be it cocaine or cheetos!!!)
<p>

Not to be the only negative response, but ...
<p>My husband's interest in making love tapered off to an inability to maintain an erection about a year or so ago. He even went to the doctor and had blood tests and a physical to see if there was any medical cause. I read websites and books and articles about impotence. All of them said "don't push sexual activity - simply show affection ..."
<p>So I did this for a year ... feeling sad and unwanted but trying not to let him know this so it wouldn't interfere with his psychological "healing."
<p>You may have read some of my posts - about a week after our 9th wedding anniversary - 4 weeks ago this coming Saturday - I very abruptly discovered that my H was having an affair. And that he'd been doing so for nearly 2 years!
<p>I had confronted him MANY times about this idea in the 6 months previous to this - I had some reason to suspect - but he denied and denied - and I tried to believe him - I wanted to believe him.
<p>Take it from me - they will deny until presented with irrefutable evidence. For me it was a woman who physically attacked me when I came looking for my husband at the bar he likes to hang out at (her friends grabbed her before she got to me) and later left a drunken message on my answering machine at home about how she had the hots for my husband and that she had him anytime she wanted him right where she lived. Even after this, he tried to deny it, but I knew. And I didn't let him deny it anymore.
<p>What I didn't expect was that he wanted to leave me - that he didn't love me anymore and that he couldn't stand to live with me anymore. He was going to leave that night, but I cried and begged him not to leave me.
<p>Maybe it would have been for the best if he had gone that night ... I would be 4 weeks closer to healing than I am right now, knowing he is still going to leave me, that he is still seeing her.
<p>At any rate ... my point is that the first clue I should have had about my H's affair began with his disinterest in sexual relations with me - even after he denied it.
<br>Don't take it too casually.

I am kind of in the same boat. We have been married for about 16 monthes and been together for 7 years. My husband is 24 and I am 26. We always had a very very good sex life...until we got married. I would be thrilled for once or twice a week, or even a month. I am not sure that I have any great advice to give you, but we are going to counceling now. The issue of sex has not come up yet, so I am still dealing with feelings of rejection and mistrust, but one thing that has come up is the fact that a mans ego and sense of self worth plays a big part in their attitude, that includes their sexual performance. If your husband has recieved indication that you are not enjoying it, he may have given up rather then face it that blow to his ego again. Try talking to him and encouraging him. Don't lie to him, but build him up with the knowledge of how much you love him and want to be close to him. That is what I am attempting to do with my husband, but somehow I think he has just lost interest in me. Good luck.
<br>

Arlett,
<br>First, you certainly weren't being vulgar. You are experiencing a real difficulty in your relationship.
<br>Second, sex is supposed to be a sharing experiencing between two people who love each other. Although mutual satisfaction is the desired effect, that doesn't always happen.
<br>Your husband may be experiencing some physical problem that is effecting his performance. He may have lost the lust for you because of some change in attitude or who knows what? you on the other hand, are obviously concerned that there is a problem. Time to open a discussion. Ask some questions.
<br>Have you tried, as the others have asked, to vary your lovemaking sessions by adding some spice. After, repetition can lead to boredom.
<br>But, when everything is said and done, if love is there, then pleasure should be the main objective, and besides, orgasm doesn't have to be the result of merely intercourse.
<p>Best of Luck.
<p>John

Isn't it funny---I'd love to be having sex "only" once or twice a week. With us it's about once a month!!!!!!! Nonetheless, I know the feelings you are having. I wish I had some words of advice for you. But I'm stuck feeling lonely too. Goood Luck!