I am feeling more comfortable with this board, but Ihave a very personal question I'm hoping to get some comments on.
<br>You may know that my marraige is not great and that my husband doesn't initiate sex very often at all. This past week I've have tried to gain a new attitude. So last night I initiated again! My husband was already asleep. I woke him up in a manner I knew he'd enjoy. We were intimate for 40minutes. And he NEVER SAID A WORD. This brought back memories of what made me feel insecure in the first place years ago. I have NO idea if he's revolted by my actions, or if he's enjoying it or what. No I love you's, no this feels great, no you are the light of my life..... Is this typical??? Do men ever talk during sex?? Am I looking for too much here?? I try to not be too chatty, but a bit of sweet nothings or admiration would be great. DO MEN DO THIS???? Or am I nuts to want this?? Thanks for bearing with me thru this personal question. But I just feel very lonely and not at all emotionally satisified after such an impersonal act. (and it makes me not want to initiate again) Thank you.
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I generally get a kiss and an "I love you" afterwards, but no talk during. But then our house has fairly thin walls and the kids are next door.

GBM,
<p>I would doubt he would put up with 40 minutes of intimacy if he wasn't enjoying it. If you need him to be more vocal, TELL HIM. Repeat the message if you have to. Let him know what makes you feel good. He'll probably respond.
<p>And for what it's worth, I'd LOVE for my wife to initiate lovemaking with me. I've been celibate for almost two years now. And I expect that part of our life to be the last to recover from the affair. I always used to 'ask' and almost always got turned down (our frequency was 4-6 times/year for the couple years prior to that). During her affair she said that she loved the 'sex' with the OM. So she loves sex, I love sex... now all we have to do is to figure out how to do it together. Patience and communcation. Stick with it.

GBM,
<br>My wife has asked me in the past why I never say anything during love making. I thought about it and said I just don't react that way. It certainly isn't that I'm not enjoying myself to the fullest. But I don't think it really bothers her that I don't say anything because she knows from all my other reactions that being with her is the ultimate for me.
<br>If I was a "wham,bam,thank you ma'am" type then she might be bothered. But since when we make love it is obvious that she is the cente of the universe during that time I don't think the abscence of talk on my part is a big issue.
<br>Hey, I just wish she would wake me up in a manner she knows I'd enjoy.

GBM,
<br>I assume that all men are different. I was always vocal with my wife. I caressed her and kissed her. Told her when I felt good. But now, she says she felt no passion because I never screamed her name during lovemaking. I believe that each person looks for something, and each person reacts differently to some things.
<br>Don't be afraid to tell him. Several years ago my wife told me she loved when I held her face. Since then, I never stopped.
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Bill, he'd definately never yelled my name out during sex!!! It's sounds like you are trying to please her!
<br>Bruce, I think you hit on something...I DON'T know that I'm the center of his universe. Like last night when I initiated, he ASSUMES that since I'm initiating that I just want to please him (if you know what I mean). And when he initiates all HE'S interested in is his needs (cause he sure wouldn't initiate for any other reason ) I don't feel as though I have his attention.
<br>Nonetheless, I just wrote him a note explaining how I felt about last night. I'll give it to him tonight. Wish me luck. Thanks for your input.

Update--he read the note and apologized to me (that was nice). His only elaboration was that he was woke up and that's just the mood he was in. (OK--for last night but what about all the other times??) It's just kind of weird when you pour your heart out in a note and get a quick answer like that and then the subject is assumed closed. Do I try to talk about it? would that be nagging?