I know ... not exactly the most important thing to think about at this point, but I have been asking about it here at work where several people I work with have been divorced.<P>So, what is the sentiment of the MB ladies in the case of divorce?<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I can see clearly now,<BR>the rain is gone ...

If i didn't have the kids, I would change it back, but after 18 yrs ( and besides, my maiden name was not that great!) I am keeping it!<P>------------------<BR>Susan

I'm going back to my previous name. My soon to be ex actually suggested it. He must be REAL angry with me for some reason!

I'm keeping my married name because my children are still young. They want me to have the same last name they do.<BR>If my chidren were older, I might consider changing it back.<P>Mitzi

I find/found it so romantic and connecting to take his name. It has those weird double, triple and quadruple meanings, like the ring.<P>On the other hand, I find it degrading that by virtue of being female I give up the good name I was born with, given to me by my Dad.<P>After each divorce I went back to my birth name. I of course have no children to consider. But my sis has 3 kids and she also returned to her birth name. The different last name from her kids is really no big deal. <P>I just feel like ditching his name removes him totally from my identity and is right up there with taking off the ring.<P>When I remarried in Dec I asked Tom about this. He was VERY upset that I would even consider not taking his name. I didn't discuss it with him further because I saw no point to starting a marriage with him upset. I just said "no problem, your name it is."<P>I realize that I sometimes switch into betrayed spouse mode and seek to protect myself. But ya know, after being married twice to infidels this name stuff doesn't mean squat. <P>So, my vote is to return to your birth name upon divorce and every time you get married take his last name !!!<BR>

<BR>I am only keeping my married name for the sake of the children. They are old enough to be thoroughly confused if I was to change it back to my maiden name. I even like my maiden name better, but for now I will keep my married name.<P>Gwen

I'm keeping my married name, oh, that doesn't apply to me. Never mind.<P>I told my x back in the fall if she wanted out of this marriage so badly then she should quit using my and my medical benedfits(she had a bunch if lab work done and was going to counseling which my EAP pays for.)<P>She said that she was keeping my name because thats what her kids name is. <P>At this point I no longer care. At the divorce hearing, the judge asked her if there was going to be a name change and she said not at this time. I guess she is planning on marrying om if he ever decides to get divorced.<P>Bob

Well, I took back my maiden name. I don't have any children, so that was never a consideration. At first it was just too painful to keep his name, if I couldn't keep him. Then, I didn't want to keep him or his name.<P>I also had a slight professional reason for changing my name back.... I work in the family business, and it helps identify me as "the bosses daughter" <P>I did the internal debate... but honestly, I felt that since I was making a fresh start, I'd do it all the way.<P>Ok, there's my 2 pennies worth!<P>Butterfly<P>Oh yeah, my XSIL hyphanated her name when she got divorced... married name-maiden name. So it would be less confusing for the kids.<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Butterfly (edited March 30, 2000).]

Never took his name. Never a problem before. Now it bugs me that my kids have his name when he walked out on us. I had the choice of giving the baby (he left while I was pregnant) my name. But I didn't think it was fair to the kids to have the "before" kid and the "after" kid, so they both have his name. <P>I would really like to change the kids' last names to mine. But I've been advised by lots of people that its not a good idea because this is something that prompts men to withhold child support. Angers me, but I'll live with it. <P>Nowadays teachers, doctors, friends and everyone else are so used to kids having different last names I don't think its a big deal. <P>I remember that it was really weird when my Mom got remarried and took her new husband's name. So her name now is neither her maiden name, nor her children's name. I think I'll just stick with the one I was born with.

I took my maiden name back after my first divorce, and it was a really good feeling.<P>I wanted to keep my maiden name for my second marriage, but my second H was insistent that I take his. It wasn't a HUGE deal to me at the time, but now I really wish I would have kept my maiden name. As a matter of fact, I consider his pressure to have me change my name as kind of a precurser/omen to the type of problems that would plague us throughout the marriage.<P>Both of my diplomas have my maiden name on them. Yay!<P>

I was just thinking about this yesterday. Last fall when Guard was the one who wanted the divorce I asked him if he would "make" me give up his name. He said he'd never thought about it. When we got married I dropped my middle name and inserted my maiden name then married name. I've used the 3 names some, less since we've had kids. I like my married name.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

I'm kinda partial to my married name, myself, having never had the terrible negativity of grade school teasing associated with it that I have with my maiden name - kids can be brutal. Since my maiden name only goes back to my grandfather on my dad's side (he made it up, I'm told), it's not like I'd be giving up something with a lot of history behind it!<P><P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I can see clearly now,<BR>the rain is gone ...

Hi Terri -<P>This reminded me of something and I hope that you all could tell me what you think about it.....<P>When my H filed for divorce, one of the first things he said to me upon seeing him right after was:<P>"So, does this (divorce) mean that you are dropping my name?"<P>He said it strangely...I still am not sure what he wanted me to say or why he asked it.....<P>I just told him - not until I have used the four boxes of checks I just ordered for my checking account at least.<P>What is your opinion...why would he ask me like that? If he wanted me to drop his name he would make a statement - no?<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

Before we married, I suggested that we come up with a new last name, different from either of our current names. I was not surprised that he didn't like that idea - a friend of ours that we mentioned it too thought it was a good idea, but then again he had a last name that no one could pronounce or spell.<P>There is no way I would give up my married name. Not only do I want to have the same name as my kids, but it has been my name for almost half my life. He may be able to divorce me, but neither he nor she can take my last name away from me.

I hope R gives back my name she has disgrsed it badly enough as it is.<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

I've had my married name longer than I ever had my birth surname. It is who I am. I will always be Mrs. R-------.In my heart.