We have been married for 18 years. Raised two sons (hers) - I adopted both, and they are mine, and I am proud of them. Both married, and both in a position where husband and wife work together.
<br>My Beautiful Princess developed Menopause late - it was only two years ago that she stopped menstruating (56 now), and we went through the 'dry vagina, and lubricants bit', but sex seemed to be a real turn on in spite.
<br>Last year she packed the house and took off interstate, for three months, but we came back together, and things seemed to flow and begin to gel.
<br>I know that I have areas of problem with showing Emotion and Affection, and until I read the article on 'Why women leave their husbands', had no idea about neglect or rejection feelings that she may be having.
<br>We seemed to be going along at an amiable pace, when I got an inflamed nerve in my back - great agony, and it was starting to come good after two months, when she just packed her (our) car, left me a note on the ans. machine, and left for interstate again.
<br>She says it is all over, will not read any material on W.H. that I sent over, and will not even begin to speak with me - just goes into recriminations and talks about how I have slighted her and run rough shod over her - I just read that article on 'Control' and --whoops--, but I wonder whether there may not also be a hormonal imbalance - she was having the flushes and sweats etc, which may exacerbate the conditions that we had between us.
<br>I love her and need to be with her so much - it is like a physical ache in my heart and this is not just grief - that is how I felt when I first got together with her 19 years ago.. and want to get back together, and would appreciate any feedback on howto.
<br>Grovel - I am totally prepared to do so, and have written a letter every two days, accepting that it is my fault that she felt isolated and rejected, and am asking her to meet with me, so that I can seek her forgiveness for this, and just begin to let healing start between us.
<br>Anyone out there --please help.

Jorge,
<br>You ended your post with, "Anyone out there, please help". So many of the posts here end with pleas like this. I am replying, not because I can help you, but because I know your pain.
<br>Today my wife and I had three and a half hours with the kids gone. We made love then went out to Starbucks for coffee. Then we went shopping and she picked up a few items she needed. I got the satisfaction of being with her and paying for everything. I even drove the long routes so I could be with her longer. We haven't been alone together for ages.
<br>But tonight as she goes to be I come in to kiss her goodnight, and it's as if she is reluctant to let me linger. I tell her I really enjoyed being with her today, and she's saying yes as if she understands but doesn't want to let me through this barrier she has erected.
<br>As I said I have no help to offer. I'm still held fast in my own little relational quicksand bog. I simply relate this because you've received no responses as yet and because we both ache to be let into our wive's hearts once again.
<br>Since this has happened to me, since reading some books on marriage and since coming here and reading these posts regularly it seems that we men are so clueless about this matter until we find ourselves in danger of losing our mates. We are just like a deer caught in the headlights.
<br>Groveling? Oh, yes. I have done it. I talked to my sister last night who is going through divorce proceedings now. She said that her lawyer told her that he has seen many a man break down and ball like a baby at his desk, but hardly ever a woman.
<br>Like you I just want my wife back. Yes, she's here in the same house. Unlike your wife she hasn't left, at least not yet. But having her here and not really having her is quite painful at times.
<br>There is something to be learned here, and some have learned it. But it's one of those lessons truly learned in the fire. I have by no means learned it yet, and frankly I'm scared to death.
<br>Keep writing those letters and reaching out for your wife every way you can until she either comes back or you know it's over. It does happen. It's the uncertainty that's a killer. But I know of no way around it. Take care and hang in there.

Bruce ... at least your wife is letting you in sometimes. You have the opportunity to show her you love her in love-making and in other ways. My H will not allow me to be intimate with him anymore. He lets me kiss him and lets me hold his hand while we are watching tv, but the kisses are not intimate, and he probably perceives hand-holding as non-sexual. I wish he would let me make love to him, I would do my best to put the memory of the OW completely out of his head and give him something else to consider as he prepares to leave me and our relationship behind.
<p>Jorge, I don't have any words to help you with ... my H is still living with me, but most of the time it's like he's not really here anymore. He's trying to find another place to live and doesn't want to try to save our marriage. So, all I can do is tell you I empathize with you ... I truly understand the pain you are feeling and wish that I did know something special that could help.
<p>I think it is time for me to get some sleep - I am way too depressed tonight. I probably shouldn't touch a keyboard when I'm like this...