My story is on Sheba's post. My husband came home after two days after I told him it was over. He was so despondent and said he was suicidal. I can't drive because I am only a week from just having a total hysterectomy so my mom came over and we drove him 20 miles to the hospital. Today he saw a psychiatrist and will start seeing a therapist tomorrow. He still says he wants me. I know he loves me but I just can't live married to him with the knowledge that he loves another. He wants me to go into joint therapy to save the marriage. Is it possible for him to truly get over her?

Hopeful,<P>Yes it is possible. This may have been him finally seeing what he has done and he is racked with guilt.<P>This is where you must plan A if you are to save your marriage. I think it is a good sign that he has suggested counceling. This is a good(?) FIRST step. <P>Don't get your hopes up to high as it will a hard and long uphill climb. But you received from him what a lot of us here never got from our spouse, a chance.<P>Hang in, and buckle up !!!!<P>GOD bless,<P>Bob

{{{{{{{{{{{hopeful now}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I hope that you have the strength to look after your own needs too. Is H still in hospital? Have you told your daughters about this development?<P>Do you have a therapist...it may be a good idea for you to see someone about all this. <P>One thing to think about is his timing. You have been ill and he is faced with this and there must be major guilt involved as to where he was for you during this time.

Yes, he is definitely racked with guilt because he knows he is not this person he has become the last 17 months. He told me he is so tired of being such a bad man. I just don't know if I can ever believe another word he says because he can be so convincing. I have not told my daughters yet and won't until I am forced to because I don't want to ruin their last weeks of the semester and my oldest daughter is fragile, also suffering from depression. I am so glad he is getting help. I do still love him and would love getting to spend the rest of my life with the old husband I used to have. I just don't know if he can get past what he has done. He was even e-mailing another woman while I was in the hospital the day after my surgery. It wasn't even the OW. This just isn't him. I do think that my health (I just found out about this tumor 4 weeks ago) precipitated this crisis. It was like he wanted to get caught. We were both scared at first it was cancer. He is still in the hospital and will start seeing a therapist tomorrow. I think he should get himself taken care of first to make sure he really wants it or not.

Hopefull,<BR>Your H going to therapy is a great sign. If you still have hope, go to marriage counseling with him. He can love you again, but it depends on you if you can trust him and want to go through the work. I think your hope & love is the real key.<P>I've been through 6 reconciliations with my H. His affair, begun 2 years ago with a co-worker, is over. He loves me, but I no longer have any hope...which I feel very sad about. You'll know if you have gotten to this place, if you are considering reconciling and more work...you have hope & can do it.<P>Best wishes.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10