This weekend my wife told me she doesn't love me anymore. We have two children 13 and 9 and have been together 15+ years. <P>About a year and a half ago we had a similar situation and I was asked to go stay elsewhere - which I did. After a couple of weeks we got back together and I had thought it was the best our relationship has ever been. We used a lot of the information from the Marriage Builders site to help us. The problem then was that she felt controlled by me, rightfully so, since I was always the breadwinner and she was always home with the kids. I realized the error of my ways and tried to change them.<P>Recently she got a job outside the home and has also been spending a lot of time in chat rooms on the computer - she has developed many good friendships through the chat area. I have had great difficulty dealing with it since she spends hours there and I frankly get a little jealous, although there is absolutely nothing sexual going on there, it had made me feel neglected.<P>Over the last couple of weeks things have been going sour, I have tried my best to let her do what she wants so those feelings that I am controlling her wouldn't come back up. <P>She now tells me she just doesn't want to be married anymore, she is tired and that's it, she feels nothing for me.<P>Here's the main part of my problem - she wants me to stay in the house with her, be friends - nothing more, and keep up a front for the children. I still love her very much and don't want to give up - but she has no interest in repairing the relationship. It seems hopeless.<P>SK

Hi SK,<BR>I'm no expert on this stuff but I empathize with what's going on. I think you need to go into marriagebuilders section that covers what her emotional needs are. It makes sense to me that if you or I, or anyone fulfills those needs for a woman, then she will want to love us and to spend her time with us.<P>If she's in the chatrooms, she's getting some need fulfilled there. I went through a D from my long time sweetheart cause I didn't handle a marriage crisis well. I advise you not to give in to D if at all possible. It hurt the kids more than I could imagine, it has hurt me and her both terribly.<P>Knowing what I know now about D, and emotional D is really the same thing, I'd advise you to go into action now. Find out what she needs, what she's thinking inside. Then I'd find out how to fix those things for her. <P>Maybe the "you" when you two were dating is a little different than the "you" of today who has to work, pay bills, solve problems, etc... It's understandable. But it can probably be fixed too. <P>My best to you... Sam in OKC

Thanks Sam, I appreciate your advice. However, we are at a point where she doesn't want me to meet her needs and she absolutely doesn't want to meet mine.<P>My strategy for now is to continue to meet her needs as much as I can, without interfering with what it is she wants to do, which is basically spending every waking minute either at work or on the 'puter. This crisis really only arose a couple of weeks ago and the declaration that she no longer wants to be in the marriage only was dropped on me 3 days ago. For now I hope this strategy will win her back, but I just don't know where her head is at right now or how long I'll be able to put up with it.<P>SK