I'd like input from people out there, but I think I really need women's opinions... I divorced my HS sweetheart one and a half yrs ago after she moved out, and in with a lesbian we both knew. Of course there were other factors, she became dishonest with me about everything, hardly talked to me for 6 months, was angry at me and placed all the blame for everything on me. I would not let her anger excalate into a war though. She had done something similar 20 yrs before, only with men. We recovered from that then and went on to get educations, careers, and become best friends and lovers again.<BR> <BR>She always carried anger that she would not talk about, I think due to a terrible childhood. We'd go 2-3 weeks at a time where she would not talk to me, til I'd finally tell her it wasn't healthy, that she had to stop it. We also had normal problems in our 24 yrs together, we started with nothing and did well, we did everything together and were considered the "ideal couple". We raised 3 great kids.<P>I was not perfect, but am honest, considerate of others and her especially. I had just gone through a trying time after my business investors stole the company and it went into litigation. I realize how I had failed to meet her needs then and I probably didn't handle my marriage crisis properly.<P>I've dated alot this past year and though I've gained some great friends, I'm still thinking of Lin. Maybe it's cause I've always taken care of and loved her, or that I'm just not adjusting well. I know one thing for sure, I don't feel like there's been closure.<P>Though we've all been hurt terribly by the D, I think she's been hurt more and I'm sorry for that. Some things have changed, her anger towards me is gone and we can talk again, even laugh. She met with a mutual friend recently and when the subject turned to me, he said that Lin cried for a whole hour cause she loves me. I'll always love her, but the "hurt" things with her have been horrible. <P>The thought is that if she loves me and I love her, then maybe we can fix this once again. I realize that I may have D'ed too quickly. I want to get together with her to find out how she feels, but I don't know if our pride can be overcome.<P>I'd greatly appreciate any advice or suggestions on how best to approach the subject of reconciliation with Lin, or how to understand her possible feelings. I realize I have to completely forgive everything that has happened. We were a good team for so long, we always said we could take on the devil himself and beat him. She always told people that I was the best thing that ever happened to her, and I used to pay similar compliments. <P>It's a shame that at one time we turned our guns on each other. Now I think we're both sorry for doing so. Thanks so much...<BR>Sam<BR>

Sam,<P>Welcome to the MB site. I am sorry to hear of your divorce. I am in the middle of divorce right now.<P>I feel we rushed it. Well H rushed it, not me. But its on the way now. I am not sure if any of the people that I recognize on this forum have been divorced and got back together, but I have heard its possible.<P>You mentioned she moved in with a lesbian?? So is this possible, that you two get back together?? I hate to get into this end of it, but I am sure others might ask this also. I guess if she is "bi-sexual" than this is possible.<P>It sounds as if you two are in a great spot to try and talk things out. Or possibly, just start as friends and go very very slowly. If she seems interested in more, and so are you, I believe there is hope.<P>I read the book Private Lies, and that indicates that a lot of divorced people make a second shot at it. Try reading this book if you get an opportunity to.<P>In the meantime, I can't give you a definete answer because I have not experienced this just yet. I am sure someone here has though. <P>Good luck, Dana<BR>

Sam, did you two ever go to counseling together? Do you think it helped or could have helped? I can't advise you, but your story is probably just a few miles down the road from me. My husband of 25 years was caught once again in contact and is pleading now for counseling and saying he wants our marriage. I am unsure what to do because like you we were the perfect couple and have always been best friends. We have two girls in college and we do love each other. I just can't tolerate the fact that he loves someone else. I am worried that someday down the road I will find that I won't love anybody but him. Sorry I can't help you, but I appreciate your input.

Hopeful- No we never went to counseling, she would not talk about her feelings much. These are unique situations, there was no abuse and like you, we enjoyed being best friends for along time. Thanks for sharing Hopeful, I hope you can work something out on your end too... Sam

SIA,<P>I suggest talking with Steve Harley about this. Go to the counceling center on this site, they can sey you up with an appointment, it's $85.00 US dollars.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>